Friday, July 30, 2010


noun. Possibly the worst thing in the world, besides pea soup and your mom.

Real citation: "@mzsazzygirl I am hyper and full of insomnia-osity! lol, how are you? <>"
(July 27, 2010, Shyla Casey, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Oh how I hate insomnia-osity! I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Well, maybe Dr. Vargas. That butt dumpling has it coming."

Thursday, July 29, 2010


noun. Possibly the most traumatic Christy-centric event since the Christy-geddon.

Real citation: "Cell has gone missing and calling it is not an option as the power on it has drained. Christy-pocalypse has commenced! eeek!"
(July 25, 2010, JediGoddess, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I think a fun thing for the Pope to do would be to replace Christmas with
Christy-pocalypse. Who's with me?"

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


noun. A stoner with 3,000,000 joints--er, Twitter followers.

Real citation: "Which Celebu-Pothead Was Busted Again?"
(July 17, 2010, Upper Republic,

Made-up citation: "Who is the next great celebu-pothead of our time? I feel like Woody Harrelson might be almost ready to retire."

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


noun. A good death. A good death indeed.

Real citation: "Innocent smoothie-tastrophe! In my hair, down my bra and up the wall. Refreshing."
(July 18, 2010, Jenny Phin, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I would never cry over spilt milk, but a smoothie-tastrophe? I would be rubble. Rubble!"

Monday, July 26, 2010


adj. One way to describe a geekgasm.

Real citation: "I made a flip-book with Edgar Wright today at Scott Pilgrim Experience at Comic-Con. Knives and Ramona made me a t-shirt. Me, geekphoric."
(July 23, 2010, Jeff Jensen, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Inception left me feeling decidedly geekphoric. Also, I am never sleeping again."

Friday, July 23, 2010


noun. A crime rarely seen these days. Now there's an upside to unemployment.

Real citation: "Since I already used the 'Slowest News Day of 2010 Headline' barely a month ago, consider this the second slowest news day of 2010. And then thank Kevin Spacey for daring to enliven it by agreeing to star as one of the title characters in Horrible Bosses, the Seth Gordon employer-icide comedy also featuring Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman, Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx. Shooting gets underway next month."
(June 28, 2010, , Hollywood Ink,

Made-up citation: "Is employer-icide for you? Buy a big knife today and find out."

Thursday, July 22, 2010


adj. This describes, possibly, the worst superpower of all.

Real citation: "Just spotted a Superman who's not donut-proof. #SDCC"
(July 22, 2010, Patton Oswalt, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Sadly, none of my orifices is donut-proof. Shut up, it's a condition."


noun. Wow. And I thought sleep-sexing was sexy.

Real citation: "@AshkeSV No, I'm a sleep-bacon-eater. *totally sounds like a @DrDoofenshmirtz invention*"
(July 19, 2010, WendySparrow, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I come from a long line of sleep-bacon-eaters.
Also, there were some sleep-pig-plookers on my mom's side. So that evens out."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


noun. A valid reason to consult your doctor and change your underoos.

Real citation: "I have a serious case of 'JizzEverytimeISeeMenInSuits-itis'."
(July 19, 2010, Tumblr,

Made-up citation: "Since I never wear a suit, I am rarely the cause of JizzEverytimeISeeMenInSuits-itis. However, I have eight different types of cootie."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


noun. I know in my gut that bugs have something to do with this.

Real citation: "Yes elitist eggheads it's not 'bug scientists,' I was just talkin' Real American. I know they're gastroentermologists."
(July 20, 2010,
SP GhostTweeter, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I never use gastroentermologists. If the exorcist can't fix it, it can't be fixed, and I sell the remains on Craigslist."


adj. Looking back, ew!

Real citation: "morning. Really want a sugary syrupy sickly not-very-coffee-y retrospectively-pretty-nasty-y-ish starbucks right now."
(July 16, 2010, Sam Martlew, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "So much of life is retrospectively-pretty-nasty-y-ish. However, the situation improves among populations that have a non-boning policy regarding your mom."

Monday, July 19, 2010


noun. An important period in the life of a child.

Real citation: "how blinded these post satan-ization post 1968 Western value hippy pastors are; & are being used by Satan to spread his humanist manifesto"
(July 1, 2010, Missionary Japan, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I'm enjoying my post-Satan-ization years very much. I am so lucky Oprah came into my life."

Friday, July 16, 2010


verb. To super-mega-hella-deep-dish-lie. With a side dish of prevarication.

Real citation: "So he smiles, giving the deal away completely, then instantly switches gears and just turbo-lies right into the camera. I thought: this is just like politics! A terrible, totally unskilled liar, telling a completely transparent lie, who then improbably gets let off the hook by the sycophantic moron interviewing him. What is it about this story we love so much?"
(July 11, 2010, Matt Taibbi,

Made-up citation: "I'm not good at turbo-lies... I need to be honest. Except about your mom. Swear to God, I can't even picture her in a brothel!"

Thursday, July 15, 2010


verb. To remove brotherly influence from a place, like a bedroom, gazebo, or Cylon baseship.

Real citation: "Hello twitterland!! ...I'm bored. But I'm going to be unbrother-ifying the room upstairs today :D Yeeee! Maybe I'll paint! Woohoo!"
(July 10, 2010, Tess M, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "As an only child, I know nothing of unbrother-ifying. It's a gap in my resume, I grant you."

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


noun. A trained professional in the art and science of hoo-ha-itude.

Real citation: "@yattalxndr lmao.. If secretions are on them.. Free clinic might not do it.. Might need a Vagizzle-ologist"
(June 17, 2010, Dave Black, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Don't bring a vagizzle-ologist to a vajazzle-ologist fight. I don't know who would win, but I'd just avoid the whole mess, personally."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


adj. Moderately to severely ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-ized.

Real citation: "Will they play a vuvuzela-ified version of 'Jai Ho!' in the stadium if Di Maria scores? #SlumdogMadridista"
(July 3, 2010,
Saajid, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "My mother always vuvuzela-ified my lullabies. It was very odd, even for a family of bees."

Monday, July 12, 2010


adj. Truthful. Forthright. Un-BS-ish.

Real citation: "It’s a very direct way. It’s a no-bullshit way, non-pretend-y way to do this kind of thing."
(Louis C.K., The Onion A.V. Club,,42621/)

Made-up citation: "How, by the sweet balls of Odin, did I miss Louis C.K. till now? He is the most wonderful, funny, understated, non-pretend-y comedian ever--he's already my all-time second favorite after George Carlin. Bonus: he is a licensed go-eat-a-bag-of-dicks-ologist."

Friday, July 09, 2010


noun. Hey, faucets are erotic, man. Don't judge.

Real citation: "@MarioMano Um no. Sink-gasm anyone? Their kitchens and bathrooms and storage ideas and furniture (shall I continue?) are to die for."
(July 3, 2010, NatMcNaz, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "My sink is so nasty, I think I'd catch an STD if I had a sink-gasm. Abstinence-only, baby!"

Thursday, July 08, 2010


noun. One of the greatest qualities a man in spandex can have.

Real citation: "When Twitter goes down, I just assume that @anniemal is making declarations of Batman-itude over the PA system"
(June 9, 2010, Bradley R, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Don't question my Batman-itude, dude! You don't hear me questioning your Aquaman-osity."

Wednesday, July 07, 2010


noun. A hater of President-haters and descendant of the Nixonphobe-phobe.

Real citation: "This Palinphobe is also an Obamaphobe-phobe :)"
(July 3, 2010,
Kara Azevedo, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I just wish Obamaphobe-phobes and Obamaphobe-phobe-phobes could get along. That's the kind of Obamaverse I want to live in."

Tuesday, July 06, 2010


noun. A painful procedure, right up there with the wizard's-hat-ectomy.

Real citation: "@MsClara A wizard's-sleeve-otomy!"
(June 29, 2010,
Huw Lynd-Evans, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I hope my wizard's-sleeve-otomy goes well. I look pretty weird for a butler."

Monday, July 05, 2010


noun. One ding-dong diddly doozy of a thingy.

Real citation: "at this luncheon thingy-majiggy-bobdoohicky-thang-thang with the biggie ;) just took a pic with him an that was FAAAAST..."
(June 30, 2010, Stephanie Garcia, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Can I borrow your
thingy-majiggy-bobdoohicky-thang-thang? I think I left mine in your mom."

Friday, July 02, 2010


noun. A famous lookalike. Kind of like your mom and John Goodman.

Real citation: "@tjaugustin You're tweeting your celebu-twin! That's too mind-warpy!"
(June 21, 2010,
Alexander Saleh, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "If I had a celebu-twin, maybe I'd finally get some use out of my celebu-dungeon and celebu-bayonet. Alas!"

Thursday, July 01, 2010

beef plunger

noun. In my family, we call it the salami squeegee.

Real citation: "I love having evil inside me because that's what we nicknamed his beef plunger."
(June 25, 2010, blondediva11, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Never trust a man till you've slammed his beef plunger in the window."