Wednesday, June 30, 2010


adj. Sort of like being be-Khaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn!-ed.

Real citation: "nice mentions of my stuff in your piece on be-Shatnered expletives. thanks."
(June 28, 2010, Arnold Zwicky, private email)

Made-up citation: "Better a be-Shatnered voice than be-poopooed pants, as Oprah says."

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


noun. A position I aspire to, as soon as Christina Hendricks accepts my proposal and calls off those snipers.

Real citation: "@wordnik, I -in-law those. My wife's dog is my dog-in-law. She doesn't have a beard, but she does have a beard-in-law (mine)."
(June 23, 2010, Michael Waddell, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "In Oregon, if you shave a beard-in-law, you are legally entitled to a free puppy."

Monday, June 28, 2010


noun. A device that, for some reason, keeps beeping as I talk about my anal bleaching and how the whitening of my cornhole makes me feel.

Real citation: "@SimonBishop Colour me utterly fucking horrified. Is your too-much-information-ometer malfunctioning?"
(June 19, 2010, Sarah Boo Shoe, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "The world would be a better place with affordable too-much-information-ometers. They could prevent me from telling you the full, unvarnished truth about my pee-pee."

Friday, June 25, 2010


adj. Sure to be a hot trend sometime after 8-D goes out of style.

Real citation: "If the Library of Congress really wants its Twitter archive availible to far future generations, they should make it 'cockroach-readable.'"
(June 23, 2010,
Peter-john Byrnes, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "My articles have always been cockroach-readable, because I think ahead. Also, my great-great-grand-dad was some kind of bug."

Thursday, June 24, 2010


noun. Crapkind.

Real citation: "Oh the poo-manity."
(Feb. 5, 2010, Lindsay Maddox, Silly Mom Thoughts,

Made-up citation: "Don't bring pee-manity to a poo-manity fight."


noun. Such a tragic, senseless act. Wouldn't your-mom-icide be better?

Real citation: "Hanging on the front porch, watching it rain. Seriously pondering woodchuck-icide - 2 bean bushes and a tomato plant taken down to roots #fb"
(June 10, 2010, Bill Jankowski, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I could never commit woodchuck-icide. Never! My killing sprees have given you the wrong idea."

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

beer pump elbow

noun phrase. A painful condition, though not as ouch-y as post-traumatic no-beer syndrome.

Real citation: "J says he's suffering from Beer Pump Elbow as a result of @LarkCrafts #Etsy party yesterday. Send help."
(June 19, 2010, Bruisin' Ales, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Not sure if this pain is beer pump elbow or tennis elbow... Does anyone know if I'm an athlete or an alcoholic?"

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

evil scientist-istic

adj. Unholy experimentation much?

Real citation: "Guess its better than those evil scientist-istic lab coats KHQ once made their staffers wear....."
(June 18, 2010, Amanda Emily, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "If I hadn't flunked my evil scientist-istic coursework, I bet my death ray would be more death-y. Sigh."

Monday, June 21, 2010


adj. The highest praise that can be bestowed upon a sporting event, short of a free harem for the winner.

Real citation: "For such a ballyhooed series, the 2010 Finals haven’t met our (impossibly high, admittedly) expectations. I'd compare it to Season 5 of 'The Wire' – tons of hype going in, entertaining/dramatic/compelling/intense in the moment, but as a finished body of work leading up to the final episode? Like the lead-up episodes in Season 5, the lead-up games of the 2010 Finals didn't reach their potential. Like Season 5, we didn’t see a main character peak for an extended time (with the exception of Ray Allen’s first half of Game 2 and Kobe’s third quarter in Game 5). Like Season 5, we didn’t have a 'WOW!' moment along the lines of… (sorry, I can’t spoil Season 5’s 'WOW!' moment). And like Season 5, none of those first six Finals games were espnclassicable (I just made up that word). Which is kind of amazing. If we don’t get there tonight, will we end up considering the 2010 Finals something of a historical lemon? Possibly."
(June 17, 2010, Bill Simmons,,

Made-up citation: "I don't care what you say, my pillow fights are all espnclassicable. However, my thumb-wrestling career has been a disappointment."

Friday, June 18, 2010


noun. See below--if you haven't been killed or de-spectacled by rock-wielding savages yet.

Real citation: "2. I confessed to Jay today that one of my recurring worries is that I will time travel to ancient times and not be able to keep my glasses safe and hidden. He invented the term 'anachrospectalithophobia': fear of being stoned to death for wearing glasses before they were invented."
(June 11, 2010, Green Moon Pax,

Made-up citation: "As a glasses-wearer and time-machine-haver, I am concerned about anachrospectalithophobia. Soon I will test my hypothesis that it can be cured through beer."

Thursday, June 17, 2010


verb. Bashing the Buddha.

Real citation: "(646):
I tried to meditate and ended up masturbating.

You mean you meditate-bated."
(June 15, 2010, Best Sexts Ever,

Made-up citation: "I've never had the patience to meditate-bate. Well, maybe some quick prayer-bation on Sunday."

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

diet root beer-ology

noun. And I thought my grad school experience was a waste.

Real citation: "@repressd or diet root beer-ology"
(June 11, 2010, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I think I could contribute something to the field of diet root beer-ology, like pee."

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


noun. This makes jimmy legs seem like coma legs.

Real citation: "can't having a twitch-a-thon-orama. thus the many a bit hyper."
(June 8, 2010, Rose Strazzeri, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "It's hell sleeping next to someone going through a twitch-a-thon-orama. That's why a smart sleeper doesn't hit the sheets without their favorite ax tucked under a pillow."

Monday, June 14, 2010


noun. I know something about this condition. My cousin Billy has been eating nothing but brides and honey mustard since 1978.

Real citation: "2 more hours until dinner at Leon. I'm HHUUUNNNNGGRRRRYYYYYYYY. Stupid bride-o-rexia."
(June 11, 2010,
Mary-Rose Agius, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I won't rest until bride-o-rexia is cured. Well, maybe a quick nap..."

Friday, June 11, 2010


noun. Sometimes a clusterfuck and a fuckin' catastrophe have a beautiful baby bumblefuck.

Real citation: "Nuking the oil spill... Totally sensationalizing an already sensational Clust-tastrophe of the highest order."
(June 3, 2010,
Andrew Contreras, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I've gotten to the point where I expect every first date to be a clust-tastrophe. If it turns out to be only a crapocalypse, I'm so relieved."

Thursday, June 10, 2010


noun. USA!-USA!-ization.

Real citation: "@Ravin_robboo haha u like my patriotic-ification? haha i was bored"
(June 7, 2010, Lizzy XP, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Do you like the
patriotic-ification of my junk? I tattooed the flag on my left ball. I'm saving the right for a portrait of Reagan, FYI."

Wednesday, June 09, 2010


noun. Can man-vajazzling fix this?

Real citation: "@jjfugleberg Thanks man. I'm glad to have joined the ranks of old-balls-itude. How's Kentucky today?"
(Feb. 5, 2010, John Nelson, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "It never bugs me to contemplate my old-balls-itude. I just thank Jesus he spared me--for one more day--the prospect of laminated-balls-itude."

Tuesday, June 08, 2010


adj. A feeling all can relate to yet few can define. Yes, that's a cop-out. So's your face.

Real citation: "@wordlust just things, the other ones make me feel all jiggyzigglewinky"
(June 5, 2010, Elana, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I haven't felt jiggyzigglewinky all year. Should I call my doctor?"

Monday, June 07, 2010


noun. A Ned Flanders-style turd.

Real citation: "For Yer Poppa, it's been a life of dooks, dookies, duchesses, droppin' ducats, dukin' it out and bustin' some duke-diddly-ookies. But seriously, until I beheld what a crap movie this Marmaduke appears to be, it had never occurred to me that a 'marmaduke' could be a 'huge shit.' Thank you. It'll be there when you need it."
(June 3, 2010, Pop Cesspool,

Made-up citation: "Don't bring a duke-diddly-ookie to a nuke-diddly-ookie fight."

Friday, June 04, 2010


noun. At least when the end comes, we'll be able to laugh at its haircut.

Real citation: "@jeyberg74 Ack, the poodle-pocalypse!"
(May 12, 2010, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "No one knows exactly what a poodle-pocalypse is or why it has been foretold for minutes, except this: no allergies. Sweet."

Thursday, June 03, 2010


noun. May be caused by immodest ingestion of rageahol.

Real citation: "Words don't describe my pissed-off-osity right now. DO NO DESCRIBE."
(May 20, 2010, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I don't often engage in senseless pissed-off-osity, but when the servants forget to lick-clean the door handles, I lose it."

Wednesday, June 02, 2010


adj. Elderly-licious.

Real citation: "@dangervillage it is old-people-tastic!!"
(May 26, 2010, Maura Johnston, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I avoid restaurants whose chicken fingers are commonly called 'old-people-tastic'. That's just how I was raised."

Tuesday, June 01, 2010


noun. I guess Powerpoint hits some people right where they live.

Real citation: "just had a meeting with an EXTREMELY cool client. damn, i think i have a meeting-gasm.."
(May 26, 2010,
Evita Aprilia, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "The lack of meetings in my life has meant a lack of meeting-gasms. On the upside, I haven't killed anybody this year."