Sunday, February 28, 2010


noun. A vocation I would gladly pursue, if not for the restraining order.

Real citation: "@ShanelleWithAnS OMG ok you Beyonce-ologist lmao"
(Feb. 15, 2010,
Avery Younger, Twitter, link dead)

Made-up citation: "When I was but a lad, I dreamed of being a Beyonce-ologist. So how did I end up a goat-ball-licker/grad student/stable boy? Sigh."

Saturday, February 27, 2010


noun. A vacation from your own ass? We all could use one.

Real citation: "so fucking ready for butt-cation. only 3 more shifts till washington!"
(Feb. 20, 2010,
Rosa Zamora, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I'm already planning my 2011 butt-cation. My ass is worn out, mainly because of your mom."

Friday, February 26, 2010

poo ex machina

noun phrase. The shittiest of all plot twists.

Real citation: "A weekly series, though, needs a story to go with its characters, and 'The Mentalist' is undone by the same poo ex machina storytelling that makes other CBS procedurals so unwatchable."
(Sept. 22, 2008, Glenn Garvin, Catholic Online,

Made-up citation: "I didn't like the poo ex machina in Avatar. Isn't it convenient that a giant turd just happened to kill all the evil smurfs!"

Thursday, February 25, 2010


adj. When hopey-changey just isn't batshit enough.

Real citation: "How's that 'Nopey-Derangey' think working for the Republicans today?"
(Feb. 25, 2010,
Miles Kurland, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I take a nopey-derangey approach to parenthood. It's the only way to ensure my kids will grow up to be raving loons."

Shatner-Kirk syndrome

noun phrase. A condition...I recognize...

Real citation: "Why can' announcers speak in.....complete sentences. I think Kelly Tilghman has Shatner-Kirk syndrome."
(Feb. 21, 2010, Miranda Allen, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I can imagine a lot, but I can't imagine Pee-wee Herman with Shatner-Kirk syndrome."

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


noun. The Grand Poobah of West Biscuit-stan, as I learned in AP History. Or home ec. Or from that guy screaming by the side of the road.

Real citation: "Talking of which, how can there not be a single picture of the enormo-biscuit on the side of the McVities factory ANYWHERE on the internet?"
(Feb. 18, 2010,
Nell Frizzell, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "For a balanced breakfast, I order the enormo-biscuits and nano-pancakes."

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


noun. A quality rarely found in bunnies.

Real citation: "@Karoli yeah - it was classic HRC, classy but mildly dismissive and just a hint of aggressive dontfuckwithmyshit-ishness"
(Feb. 16, 2010, J.C. Lee, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I wish I had more dontfuckwithmyshit-ishness and not as much pleasepleasefuckwithmyshit-itude."

Monday, February 22, 2010


noun. A milfistic Olympian who may have, under her jurisdiction, a red-headed stepchild.

Real citation: "@JayOnrait I believe she's a step-milfimpian"
(Feb. 22, 2010,
Jeff Sykes, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Soon after Bill Simmons coined 'milfimpian,' the step-milfimpian evolved. Can the grand-milfimpian be next?"


noun. A moment of joy, Cocoa Puffs, and--clinically speaking--insufficient sandwiches for a proper picnic.

Real citation: "Florence ft dizzeee = better than... wait for it... the bonkers-gasm"
(Feb. 18, 2010,
Nathan Anthony Marsh, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I haven't had a bonkers-gasm in quite some time. My diet of alcohol, ether, and smurf brains must be working."

Sunday, February 21, 2010


noun. Close-but-no-cigar-itude.

Real citation: "Gah. I'm almost done with my laundry. Like. So almost done that you can feel the almost-osity of the done-ness..!"
(Feb. 17, 2010, Kyle Dugan, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I'm very close to dating Christina Hendricks. I can feel the almost-osity. *huffs more glue*"

Saturday, February 20, 2010


noun. A man's man, full of beef and testicularity and dumbassitude. A loincloth may be present.

Real citation: "Commentator during women's ice hockey:"This is the women's event;there's not s'posed to be much violence."Excuse you?! Bite me,testosto-boy!"
(Feb. 15, 2010, Alex Sims, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "It's hard for a testosto-boy like me to date. I intimidate everyone with my muscles, my musk, and my moat. Plus, it's expensive hiring servants to pull the ball cart that supports my notorious nads."

Friday, February 19, 2010


interjection. A far more manly and Wookie-y alternative to aaaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!

Real citation: "I asked my Chewbacca Magic 8 Ball if I would have a good day. The answer: 'Aggrrttaaggrrttaaggrrtt.' No offense, but Chewie blows at this."
(Sept. 10, 2009, Crusty Juggler, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "My bark is worse than my bite, but my aggrrttaaggrrttaaggrrtt is worse than either. It's even more repugnant than your mom."

Thursday, February 18, 2010


noun. Too much Twitter... Too little sleep... And god damn it, who pooped the bed?

Real citation: "@sad19 lol! I think so...and the scientific name for it is 'insommniatwitteritis'.... :oD"
(Feb. 14, 2010, Lisa, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I never suffer from insomniatwitteritis. When I can't sleep, I sodomize a smurf--just as our forefathers intended."

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


noun. Hey, the gods can't all be Thor or Allah. Cut 'em some cosmic slack.

Real citation: "Are the grandchildren of demigods called hemi-demi-semi-gods?"
(Feb. 15, 2010,
Andy Hollandbeck, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I send all my prayers to the hemi-demi-semi-god Al. He doesn't have much power, but at least he takes my calls--unlike that jackass Zeus."

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


noun. Not the best place to look for a date to the prom.

Real citation: "@sanasaleem She was involved with Zaid Hamid? Um, ew. Isn't he a citizen of creepyguy-istan?"
(Feb. 8, 2010,
Naheed Mustafa, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "If you think your dude's never been to Creepyguy-istan, check his passport. About 74% of us were born there."

Monday, February 15, 2010

that's what she said-ology

noun. One of the most important fields of our time, along with aeronautical truthiness.

Real citation: "@lenariel i think @AniaJ191 needs schooled in 'That's what she said'-ology"
(Jan. 15, 2010, Erika, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "We'll never know which cavedude was the inventor of that's what she said-ology, after his loyal cavebuddy said, 'Ugh ook. Ook-ook. Ook oot ook!'"

Sunday, February 14, 2010

no pants-edness

noun. Happy Valentine's Day!

Real citation: "Easter Island Head @stephenkruiser is bringing much joy on Planet Kruiser in 5 mins. Enjoy the No Pants-edness of it all.#pkrs"
(Jan. 22, 2010, RFCPatel, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I rather enjoy luxuriating in a state of utter no pants-edness. What have pants ever done for me? They're worse than pea soup."

Saturday, February 13, 2010


noun. Oh my. Is that anything like a nun-tastrophe?

Real citation: "Today had a late preacher-splosion, but I used discipline to pull myself away #grudgingly"
(Feb. 5, 2010, pyrogenesis, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "There are many victims for every preacher-splosion. Still, it makes God giggle, so what're you gonna do?"

Friday, February 12, 2010


adj. The cause of so many dire medical conditions and tragic toilet quagmires.

Real citation: "Not bloody likely. Either way, enjoy the nacho-cheese-and-beer-induced paralysis and have a happy Super Bowl Sunday, America!"
(Feb. 6, 2010, Heather Havrilesky, Salon,

Made-up citation: "Let me dispel a few religious myths right now. The virgin birth is bunk. So how did Mary get preggo? It was still a miracle: the miracle of the nacho-cheese-and-beer-induced pregnancy. The same thing happened to my sister."

Thursday, February 11, 2010


verb. A complex process that I am far too drunk to define.

Real citation: "@stefispice 'Dude. You can't out-transcendentalize me. You are one pansy-ass motherfucker.'-- Ralph Waldo Emerson"
(Feb. 9, 2010, Ally Paul, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Free insult: 'Your mother couldn't out-transcendentalize a paper bag!' Hey, it's a first draft."

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


adj. Monster-y. Monster-ish. Monster-esque. Monster-o-logical.

Real citation: "@ladygaga - I love you GAGA. Your music is something magical. It's so monster-istical. From your Little Monster, W"
(Feb. 4, 2010, Walter V, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Sometimes I feel so monster-istical... It makes me sad. Then I strangle hobos with my tentacles, and I cheer right up."

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

French toast-y-ish

adj. Oh, French toast! Is that you, after so many years and marriages?

Real citation: "@Plagu3 so... kinda french toast-y-ish? maybe? it sounds intriguing."
(Jan. 29, 2010, Iris, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Sweetheart, is that a new perfume? Your French toast-y-ish aroma is driving me wild."

Monday, February 08, 2010


noun. A precise procedure that renders the patient mercifully butthole-less.

Real citation: "@LexiChambers that sounds painful! Gives new meaning to 'anal retentive'! @PubChick u need a butthole-ectomy!"
(Feb. 2, 2010, Jenn Kleiner, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "Doctor! I was supposed to have a butthole-ectomy! You removed a jerkwad. I might need that jerkwad someday."

Sunday, February 07, 2010


adj. The opposite of tree-hugging, I reckon.

Real citation: "Trix says her Dad spotted this variation on the same theme while strolling through Portland, Oregon — 'a well-known haven for parking-space-hugging liberals.'"
(Jan. 31, 2010,,

Made-up citation: "'You parking-space-hugging hippie!' does not have a ring to it. Unlike the music of ABBA."

Saturday, February 06, 2010


noun. A trained expert in little-piggy-ology.

Real citation: "Thanks. I shall look for a toe-ologist."
(Feb. 3, 2010, Saphira, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I wouldn't say I have a foot fetish. I much prefer the term 'toe-ologist,' as you can see from my business card."

Friday, February 05, 2010


noun. A quality somewhat low on gung-ho.

Real citation: "The extent of my can't-be-arsed-itude today is frankly staggering. Contended can't-be-arsed-itude, but can't-be-arsed-itude nonetheless :-D"
(Dec. 10, 2009, Libby Heighway, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "About 86% of my brain consists of can't-be-arsed-itude. The rest is, chemically speaking, an old salami sandwich."

Wednesday, February 03, 2010


noun. A quality I am certain I've found in Christina Hendricks, my life partner.

Real citation: "Watched 'my life as liz'...yeeeeah. Idk. Even her extremely attractiveness-osity couldn't keep me tuned in for a 2nd episode ha. =/"
(Jan. 24, 2010, Jairus Johnson, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I really enjoy attractiveness-osity. I like it so much more than repugnance-itude."

Tuesday, February 02, 2010


noun. Well, it beats a goliath-bird-eating-spider-tastrophe.

Real citation: "Today I need to start work on an Arsenal birthday cake. Hope I do alright with colouring this time and don't have a caterpillar-tastrophe"
(Jan. 27, 2010, Sarah Trivuncic, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "I don't know much about caterpillar-tastrophes, but I bet Gary Larson does. Where is he? We need him! I don't have nearly enough cow cartoons in my life."

Monday, February 01, 2010


adj. Sounds spoofy, but what do I know? I'm drunk.

Real citation: "@bettydraper add to your bio: spoof-a-rama-istic"
(Jan. 28, 2010, Mister Twister, Twitter,

Made-up citation: "My new favorite show is Archer. It is spoof-a-rama-istic, filthy as dirty hell, and funny as anything I've seen. It makes me want to be a cartoon spy when I grow up."