Sunday, August 31, 2008


adj. A sad, sad state. No female robots anywhere! And no sunshine either.

Real citation: "A Fembot-less Bionic Woman?"
(Aug. 1, 2007, TV Guide,

Made-up citation: "Fembot-less or fembot-ful? That's the question I ask myself every day, down in the lab, the fate of humanity weighing on my mind like a matzo ball."


noun. A day I shall immortalize with my greatest sculpture to date: I call it The Big Poo.

Real citation: "I had a post all written up and blogger disconnected itself and lost it on me. So the jist of my first attempt was to say that I had to apologized to Husband for our Anniversary turning into a Crapaversary. Because I was sick. Boo hoo me. We had Chinese take-out for supper, I bought a heart-shaped black forest cake for dessert (can you feel the love) and then I went to bed at 8:00. Before my children. And then Tigger was up the next morning at 5:00 bowing down to the porcelain throne, but he's better today and back to school. Me, not so much. Coffee is burning my stomach. Not good not good not good. It's almost noon and I don't feel awake yet. But I did get my roses. 15 of them. One for each year we've been married. They are beautiful, but I don't have the energy to take a picture of them yet."
(Feb. 16, 2007, Moments in Time,

Made-up citation: "How can we celebrate the crapaversary of the dark day we met? If an atomic drano wedgie is involved, I'm in."

Saturday, August 30, 2008


noun. Losing vice-presidential candidate I'd like to film, in a tasteful setting, with candles and earmarks to set the mood.

Real citation: "LVPCILF (Losing Vice Presidential Candidate…)"
(Aug. 29, 2008, Wonkette,

Made-up citation: "All the jokes about the LVPCILF have already been made, and this pic is my favorite. Heh heh chortle cackle hee..."

(Thanks to Ben Zimmer for finding this word in a steaming pile of comments)

Friday, August 29, 2008


noun. Like an arch-bishop, except... What was the difference again?

Real citation: "archie is the arch-buttmunch"
(Nov. 3, 2006, It's the Jack Comic Forum,

Made-up citation: "Son, you're a little buttmunch now, but you're my buttmunch. I'm proud of your buttmunchitude. Someday, the villagers will know you as arch-buttmunch! On that day, you'll make your grand-buttmunches so proud."


noun. An admirer and scholar of the Bigfoot--the Sasquatch!--the giant roaring monkey-man-monster I think I spotted piddling in the gazebo just now... Oh, sorry, that was your mom again.

Real citation: "For that, you deserve great praise my friend. On behalf of all of us out here in the squatch-thusiast field, I want to thank you for that. I am comfortable in the knowledge that now that you are involved, we can be confident that we’re going to get some straight answers."
(Aug. 5, 2008, The Squatchdetectiveblog,$the_squatchdetective_blog/2008/08/05/stress_and_bigfoot_research)

Made-up citation: "Being a squatch-thusiast is just part of who I am, Veronica. What can I say? There's something about those giant, mythical, proud piles of hair that really warms my cocoa. Sure, some hair also gets in my cocoa, theoretically speaking. But sweet Veronica, lady friend of my life, I cannot change!"

Thursday, August 28, 2008


adj. A word best omitted from resumes, I reckon--unless the position is Brigadier Batshit in the Cuckoo Corps of Nutburger-brained Whackaloons.

Real citation: "You really blew it, Garth, with that phoney average Canadian ‘Ben’ question .. because there are no average Canadians on your fine forum … only a bunch of neuro-psycho-whacko Liberal partisans who fill the forum with their hate-filled daily drivel. I hope you don’t read that rubbish to energize yourself in the HoCs."
(Garth Turner, May 29, 2008, The Turner Report,

Made-up citation: "Jed the shih-tzu just left after a weeklong stay, and my neuro-psycho-whacko rat terrier Monkey is sad. It's like somebody took the crack out of his cornflakes..."


noun. A doofus of the fairer and female-ier sex.

Real citation: "It’s a spillage of 20-30 towel magnitude. In the midst of my embarrassment and contrition for being so negligent, I still manage to take note of how the lapping low waters reflect the light so that it dances on the bottom of the bathroom door. 'Oh how lovely :)' thinks she-doofus."
(June 16, 2008, Thinking Coral,

Made-up citation: "My mama is a she-doofus? Are you kidding me? My mama? Your mama is a she-eight-headed-snake-beast. She doesn't need to read the Bible; she's in the Bible! In the apocalyptic hosebag chapters."

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


noun. A euphemtastic quality that is widely available in the tri-state region.

Real citation: "salima has been at massage school, tirelessly (and probably in futility) fighting to drill a hole of clear blue sky through the hazy shroud of 'what-the-bleepishness' that hangs over austin….just a little hole, a pinprick, with a chisel and not terribly gracefully….this really is a kind of hilarious crusade where i feel a bit like don quixote in a dali painting….but please don't assume that means i go ranting at all and every spooky belief….i got my own spooky stuff, i'm sure….."
(Gaia Community,

Made-up citation: "Don't blame your what-the-bleepishness on me, sonny. As your father, I gave you my home, my dreams, my legacy, and a yellow-bellied marmot named Queen Elizabeth. Your what-the-bleepitude is your own."


noun. A term for employees of the Department of Motor Vehicles that suggests, deep in their hearts, they are not actually cuddly bunnies ready to snuggle and coo.

Real citation: "So this pissant, who has no power in his life but to become a DMV-stapo soldier for the cause of bureaucracy and denied beers on the hottest of days decides that he has no choice but to put his foot down because 'we have laws here and if you don't like it, go back to where you came from.'"
(July 23, 2007, The Unapologetic Mexican,

Made-up citation: "My guidance counselor said, given my interesting grades and natural talents, I should consider a career as a member of the DMV-stapo. Or guidance counselor."

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


noun. A mammal with lower self-esteem than most.

Related terms: henchboobs, henchbreasts, hench-bunny-men, henchchicken, henchdoofus, henchdork, henchgoon, henchho, henchmoron, henchnoncorporeal being, henchscum, underhenchling.

Real citation: "It started out on Animaniacs as a series of short skits about two genetically engineered lab mice. Every night, Brain hatches a plot to take over the world with Pinky as his faithful (if insane) hench-rodent."
(April 8, 2007,

Made-up citation: "There's something I don't trust about my loyal hench-rodents. I think some could be rat bastards."


noun. 1) An unholy cross-breed of a cavefella and a goat. 2) The proud ancestor of our modern goats, including the billy and the scape.

Real citation: "The Kinder Billy is a scruffy looking beast. I call him a 'Neandergoat' because he looks like a goat version of a caveman. He's real friendly, which is ok - until they are in "rut". It's NOT a good idea then."
(March 19, 2008, Scroungeman,

Made-up citation: "To make Oprah's special Satanic brownies, the eye boogers of a neandergoat must be dissolved in the blood of a virgin, the ear wax of a meercat, and a shitload of chocolate."

Mr. Suddenly-Non-Turd

noun phrase. A title I hope to earn, any minute now.

Real citation: "Ryan: weeps. Says it was awesome to hear his wife’s voice while they both start crying. He says his wife is his biggest supporter, and says that talking to her for even five minutes is a treat. Awww. That’s the love talkin’, Mr. Suddenly-Non-Turd."
(Nov. 12, 2004, Fans of Reality TV,

Made-up citation: "Allow me to introduce Mr. Suddenly-Non-Turd. And here's his wife, Mrs. Defiantly-Still-Turd. Ah, romance!"

Monday, August 25, 2008


noun. May involve cacamajiggery, or whatever. Who knows?

Real citation: "There is a proper term for it but i cant remember it lol Ca-something-or-other. Poo is basically the left over food our bodies dont use up, so its got nutrients and alsorts of good stuff in there that animals (not just dogs) for some strange reason enjoy."
(Yahoo Answers,

Made-up citation: "I am so happy my dog does not have the gross predilection known as ca-something-or-other. Unlike some unsavory pooches in the park, he deserves a pork medal for following a non-poo-eating lifestyle. Come to think of it, so do I."


adj. Not recommended by doctors. Highly recommended by poets.

Real citation: "My past has good and bad elements in it. When I notice a bad element reconstructing itself, I try to be brave, but often, I turn my head and walk in the other direction and wait to hear news back. Being partnered has really changed my life, but sometimes, especially when we are both working and I have *no* time to myself... my 'I' get slippery all over again and I feel all self-destructive-y."
(Dec. 19, 2005, Tribe,

Made-up citation: "I warn you, give me the duck, or I will engage in disturbing, Christ-like, self-destructive-y acts! That's my duck, and you and I are through, Professor."

Sunday, August 24, 2008


noun. Along with God-mentum and dog-mentum, one of the strongest forces in the greater metropolitan region.

Real citation: "The next two types of mentum that we must be aware of produce the best results when they are as equally balanced as possible. One is called buttmentum. Buttmentum is the theory of the downward force produced against the human body that is in direct proportion to the mass of the human's butt. People with large butts must contend with a stronger force of buttmentum than those who have smaller butts."
(Dec. 12, 2007, Grandma is an Idiot!,

Made-up citation: "After six years of working out, I have honed my buttocks to a razor-sharp edge. I am in awe of my ungodly buttmentum, as are the villagers. I can open beer bottles, soothe angry mobs, and perform invasive surgery with this thing."

Saturday, August 23, 2008


noun. Why settle for a paleo-numbnuts? You deserve a numb, nutty upgrade.

Real citation: "Oh Laud! When will it end! Must I forever guard my musk, enduring drunken mooing from various nankers, eschewing non-synapse firing nougat-brains, plucking principle amidst dis-operational 16 piece chicken Mcnuggetheads, bitch-slapping the occasional weenie-wrappers and odd turbo-numbnuts, cleaning cultural clocks amongst low-viscosity art bobos, ridiculing reprobate poot-butts of every shoe size and hair-style, ditching clueless dingleberries, confounding fish-eyed cud-knoshers, dry-gulching booger-nose funksters, fish slapping hog-faced clod cuddlers, hair-lipping freestyle pud tweekers, blind siding dank spankers, thumb jamming clam slammers, delousing big-hair nancy boys, head-butting star-eyed slack jawed mouth breathers, greasing pendejo DJs, and gagging bone chokers."
(May 1, 2007,

Made-up citation: "A wise man once told me, 'You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can keep a turbo-numbnuts off your porch with the right firearm.'"

Friday, August 22, 2008


noun. A quality that cannot be found in the heart or spandex of Superman, Spider-man, or Boffo the Wonder Pig.

Real citation: "1. I hit the copier with a Baterang, causing it to start working. Attractive colleague swoons at my Batmanliness but I catch her before she falls. I make my exit with a powered grappling hook fired out the window."
(July 24, 2007, Gamers With Jobs,

Made-up citation: "I cannot believe that you--you of all people, you plague of a pig of a prick sandwich!--would question my Batmanliness. Evidently, you haven't been introduced to the Batvibrator."

Thursday, August 21, 2008

toaster whisperer

noun phrase. A quiet, Yoda-type professional who plunges no knives into toast-giving appliances. He is the knife! You are the knife. I am the butter.

Real citation: "Chronos, you are a true 'toaster-whisperer'. :tongue:"
(Sept. 22, 2004,

Made-up citation: "If there's one thing I learned in Vietnam, it's this: Don't ask a toaster whisperer to do cat exorcisms."


interjection. Caution to writers: Not interchangeable with aaaaiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Real citation: "My brother taught me a new expression the other day: 'hhhnnnnnnngggggg!!! It supposedly captures the feeling of ready-to-explode stress/agony/pain."
(Aug. 20, 2008, Around the Horn,

Made-up citation: "Here's a word to sum up my week: hhhnnnnnnngggggg. Here's another: fuck-fuck-fuck-fuckity-fuck. Here's a third: Is murder a serious crime in this country? Because it would certainly resolve a few issues that are getting pesky, as they say in the buisness."

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


noun. A large category, encompassing many practical fembotbrarians--and sultry bookbots too.

Real citation: "This is the second story on the RoboBrarian at Johns Hopkins"
(Aug. 1, 2002, Librarian and Information Science News,

Made-up citation: "I'm awash in jealousy and confusion. I came home early to find the robobrarian and the can opener making zoo noises in the gazebo! I think it's gay marriage's fault."


adj. Dumbass-terous; doh-sasterous; shit-for-brains-asterous.

Real citation: "i guess someone thinks this hole underground near my building could be really 'duh'sasterous. i'm not sure what kind of authorized personnel would qualify to enter this space, or how small you have to be. i just thought the sign was kind of funny, plus i like 'danger, danger' signs."
(April 11, 2008, The Clever Whatever,

Made-up citation: "Until now, my life has been duh-sasterous at worst, fresh and minty at best. Looking ahead, I'm trying to establish a new ceiling of 'well-muscled yet sophisticated,' and a new worst case scenario of 'devoured by wombats,' approximately."


noun. Someone who has devoted their life to the study of scum, including money-grubbing scum, pond scum, and rebel scum.

Real citation: "So they got this accreditation and proceeded to spread around like a bad virus using the stupid "Feel my finger?" technique until a doctor peeked inside at a patient receiving this treatment. A young boy who they'd been fingering for 2 days was asked on the spot if he felt any difference since they showed up. he actually said he felt nodifference and would like to get more rest. The one scumbag that was there on his own was asked to leave and also told that this "finger treatment had no medical value whatsoever. He still insisted and tried to explain the technique to the doctor who stood his ground and insisted he should leave now. Mr. Scumologist tried to reach his crew by cellphone but was unable to contact any of them and insisted he would be back with them to explain the good they do bring there."
(Jan. 19, 2005, The Bear Pit,

Made-up citation: "I need to see a scumologist. I've been having self-esteem problems..."

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


noun. Like an ectoplasmgasm, except for... Um... Actually, it's exactly like an ectoplasmgasm.

Real citation: "In my previous blog entry, I seemed a little whiney... ok, a lot of whiney, that I missed Brangelina. But now I'm glad I did miss them in Toronto because the people there just went overboard in the Brangelinagasm. It doesn't make sense to stop your car around Yorkville Avenue, a narrow ass busy street in the richest part of town, to run over to the SUV that is carrying the hottest celebrity couple on the planet. Sure, it's enticing, but when does common sense come into play here? And for the heifer who pushed herself through the crowd with her baby out in front so the kid could SEE The Brangelina, is a fucking nutcase and if anyone knows who she is, please contact the Canadian child protective services because this woman is not fit to raise a child! Brad ain't Buddha, he can't bless that child, and something tells me that this baby doesn't know Brad Pitt from an Tickle Me Elmo doll. WTF?"
(Sept. 18, 2007, Brangelina Fans,

Made-up citation: "To stay current, this year's national spelling bee will include the words 'Brangelinagasm' and 'Brangeletus,' sources say. In related news, William Safire just dove headfirst into a pit of fire."


noun. Dorkwads of the world, dorkheads of America, wadheads of my family... You have some competition.

Real citation: "I'm not skank, you are dorkwadhead"
(June 15, 2008, Gaia Online,

Made-up citation: "My mom scolded me when I mocked and noogied the dorkwadheads of the tri-state area. Deep down, she explained, they're all little lovewadheads, just like you."

Monday, August 18, 2008


noun. A vampire with a taste for chocolate. Or a vampire made of chocolate. Or some third delicious thing I can't even conceive with my squishy lobes.

Real citation: "I am disturbed to see that Count Chocula has aged - look at those crows’ feet!
I always figured he was a Chocopire and didn’t age as long as he could drink the sweet brown nectar of life?"
(April 16, 2008, Neuralgraffiti,

Made-up citation: "Ways to kill a chocopire include drenching with holy water, stabbing with a wooden stake, exposing to sunlight, and eating with milk. The milk has no known mystical properties, but it does wash down the choco-unholiness admirably."

John McGetOffMyLawn

noun. A nickname for one of the Presidential candidates. Hint: He looks like this guy.

Real citation: "Look, I respect Senator Clinton and would have cast my vote for her without reservation in November, but this popular vote argument has more holes than Blackburn, Lancashire. Let's put this colicky baby to bed, folks. We have to beat John McGetOffMyLawn in the fall."
(June 17, 2008, Squawk Channel,

Made-up citation: "After eight years of Commander Cuckoo-Bananas, John McGetOffMyLawn doesn't sound so bad as a worst-case scenario--though I'd also welcome Cap'n Crunch as President at this point. The bar, she has been lowered."

Sunday, August 17, 2008


adj. Medicalistic.

"AW! make another one! I love pairings on how the sensei's, Kurenai inclouded but minus Gai, think of their females students as daughters! also, when you wrote that emotions are illusions, I thought that really fit in well with the actual series, seeing as Sai was devoid of all emotion due to their training. I don't kno if how you described it was true, but you did it a hell of a lot better then I would have, i would have just made up some big words that sound doctoristic and yeah. GREAT JOB!"
(Jan. 11, 2008,,

Made-up citation: "I need doctoristic help! There's a boo-boo on my schwing-schwong."


noun. On sale now at Starbucks. That should give business a boost.

Real citation: "Until DNA tests came along, ELI, only maternity could be taken for granted; the cuckolding fetish is the boner-killing lemons of male sexual/paternal insecurity turned into deliciously perverted bonerade."
(Dan Savage, Aug. 14, 2008, Chicago Reader,

Made-up citation: "If you see any children selling bonerade for 10 cents a cup--or any price whatsoever--call the police."

Saturday, August 16, 2008


noun. What a sad state of affairs for a noble turd-herder, who has a family to feed, you know.

Real citation: "Turds are gone.
turdlessness achieved!!!
(Jan. 7, 2008, In the 00s,

Made-up citation: "I admire men with balls, women with class, and pants that are in a state of turdlessness. That's just the way I was raised."

Friday, August 15, 2008


noun. A film genre that will soothe the soul and quiet the mind. If your mind is a cuckoo-bananas terrorscape, that is...

Real citation: "So on to the next installment of ferretsploitation. You may want to read the previous post, at least, to catch up. Just a suggestion : )
The young female ferret must have smelled the prairie dog in the box under her cage even before the tube was made accessible. Not too difficult, as prairie dogs are, shall we say, aromatic. Ferrets, being mustelids, are no slouches in the stinky department either, and surely the prairie dog was aware of the ferret."
(Jan. 16, 2008, Queen of the Frozen North,

Made-up citation: "I had quite a career in the ferretsploitation industry before I joined the Mounties. And do you know what job I applied for today? Administrative assistant to the vice-exorcist. Since I have shiny exorcism tongs and unflappable interview skills, I'm optimistic."


noun. A cockaroach with an edumacation.

Real citation: "That's right it really, really, happened...a cockamaroach! It suddenly appeared upon my boob. Now had my lovely Demi not been panic stricken, we would have not found the horrid creature so quickly!"
(May 26, 2008,

Made-up citation: "Want to know how to kill a cockamaroach? Just don't write or call. Whoops, those are ways to kill my mother, according to my mother. Cockawhatevers are way above my pay grade."

Thursday, August 14, 2008


noun. 1. Celebuspawn. 2. Celebu-love-butter.

Real citation: "I can't stand this celebusperm."
(July 25, 2007, X17online,

Made-up citation: "I'd wager that Bill Clinton has the most renowned celebusperm of all, though after typing that phrase, I will now spend the rest of this sentence scrubbing my brain till spotless. Arghh. Gah. Eeps. It didn't work."


noun. The Yiddish science devoted to schmashing all it beholds! Hulk smash? Oy smash!

Real citation: "Astrophysics, schmastrophysics"
(June 8, 2006, Panda's Thumb,

Made-up citation: "We make all our bagels with love and schmastrophysics. Salt comes later."


noun. Adventures that are asshatian in nature. One might guess they were undertaken at the whim of a hat.

Real citation: "The over-riding rule on Stanky's Gungame Server is simply: "Don't be an asshat". Stanky's admins are to inform....then warn....after which time, if the asshat-capades continue, then consequences are to be dealt out as needed (often a slap, slay or other mani-admin command can be effective enough without resorting to immediately kicking someone)."
(Oct. 17, 2006, Forums,

Made-up citation: "They wanted to call the movie adaption of my autobiography Asshat-capades, but I blanched. The Bootylicious Buttmunch-capades of the Macabre Mark Peters will be released in 2012."

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


adj. A healthy glow is lacking, methinks.

Real citation: "~What Is Your Opinion Of The Following~
271. Eminem: Sucks.
272. Virgins: Prude.
273. God: Don't believe.
274. The Osbournes: Love them.
275. Reality TV: Awesome.
276. J.Lo: If you're in a party, great to dirty dance to.
277. Religion: Not so big on it.
278. Emo music: Myeh.
279. Valentine's Day: My best friend's anniversary.
280. Christina Aguilera's comeback:Love her. She's so sexy.
281. Homosexuals: Am one.
282. Abortion: NO
283. Inter-racial relationships: Yes. Don't care, as long as it's not me.
284. Murder: Evil
285. Death: Horrible to have happened to, but okay to be deathy-like."
(April 17, 2005, deviantART,

Made-up citation: "Researchers say a long life is yours if you just do two things: 1) refrain from doomistical activities and 2) avoid all deathy-like situations. It works for rats, and it can work for you."


adv. Don't set your clock by it--or the feeding schedule for your deer-eating boar-hound.

Real citation: "My semi-hemi-demi-quarterly post!"
(March 10, 2006,

Made-up citation: "It's almost time for my semi-hemi-demi-quarterly toe flossing. Oh happy day!"


adj. Dumb, I reckon.

Real citation: "The comment in question concerns a cocity-ziozoician (antizionist prosemite, in his case a milder than most splitaffliction applies) my readers got acquainted with early on: Louis Proyect who indeed thinks of himself as a first class 'model' as Chabert has him, fire fighter who 'has been running the maxmail listserv for years and I don't think anyone's ever really complained' . .. . .apart from dumbitudinous expression '..anyone's ever really. .. .', applied to LP who cares little, even if it's not just anyone but some specific body from amongst those he pretends to champion and protect, such as me, trying to complain. . .. but that water has long since doused flames, flowed beyond all damns and sunk down to wash the deepest octopussies."
(April 18, 2006, Le Colonel Chabert,

Made-up citation: "I may be dumbitudinous as a box of rocks, sweet Melissa. You're right, damn you. But my soul flies free as a ferret on fire."

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


adj. Chock full o' sanity and non-armed-to-the-teeth. Wish I could say the same about your mother.

Related terms: non-batshit, non-batshit-crazy, non-batshit-insane, non-batshit-loony, non-batshit-loonie-lefty.

Real citation: "Islamists like to use a similar tool of control to stifle freedom — free speech, criticism of their beliefs or their politics, artistic expression — in countries that, remarkably, aren't Islamist theocracies and in which they're even minorities in the population. Ever since 9/11, the new normal has been that anything could drive a Muslim into a homicidal rage at any moment, and you don't have any clue what it is, so it's better not to take chances. Okay, so that may be a stereotype that the vast majority of non-batshit-bombthrowing-crazy Muslims resent, but it's certainly proven useful to the real agitators among them."
(Aug. 12, 2008, The Atheist Experience,

Made-up citation: "I don't expect my children to be perfect little angels. As long as the report cards keep saying 'non-batshit-bombthrowing-crazy' and they don't get mud on the carpet, I'll be a proud papa."


adj. A regional alternative to "bippy-awful".

Real citation: "This week Charlie laughed at the glaring bum-awful rubbishness of Orange's current I Am Who I Am Because of Everyone advertising campaign, which somehow manages to be cloying, irritating, pretentious, irrelevant and baffling all at once: 'If ever an advert deserved a punch in the face, it's this one.'"
(Charlie Brooker, Aug. 11, 2008, The Guardian,

Made-up citation: "Does an elderly, penis-tumor-having Elvis and an elderly, cuckoo black guy (who thinks he's JFK after an LBJ-ordered paint job) taking on a soul-eating mummy in a nursing home sound like a bum-awful movie to you? If so, think again, and rent Bubba Ho-tep--my new favorite movie."

Monday, August 11, 2008


verb. To remove the rampant mellow, new-agey mojo, pernicious influence, or life-giving sunshine of the tallest state this side of Bugravia.

Real citation: "Don't be discouraged by the comments: it should be easy to de-Californify the lead to a more neutral tone."
(Dec. 3, 2006, Wikipedia,

Made-up citation: "Scientists are working round the clock to de-Californify surfers at a secret facility, according to my cousin and insufficient pharmaceutical support."


adj. Sometimes you feel like you're made out of steel, indestructible steel! And the whole world uses you as a horizontal porta-water-closet.

Real citation: "glad you're feeling less bed-pannish, I always feel shitty when I get all stuck in that mode."
(Jan. 22, 2007,

Made-up citation: "When I feel bed-pannish, I shake off the day's pee, grab a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, produce some pee of my own, and soothe myself in the warm pepperoni of two large pizzas, until I'm ready to face the world without my trusty blowtorch, who neighbors know as Torchy."


adj. Grander than bechihuahua'd; less fearsome than bepitbulled.

Real citation: "Brian looked up in confusion as John made his announcement, followed closely by his exit, both from the room and from the story. The bewildered bepoodled guitarist turned to Roger, glaring for effect while awaiting explanation."
(May 29, 2008,

Made-up citation: "With my old haircut, I resembled a bepoodled buffoon, which sent the wrong message to the employers and women of America. Also, it felt like a raccoon died on my head."

Sunday, August 10, 2008


noun. Tiny, petite, ladylike sleaze.

Real citation: "The answer is that big sleaze is invisible; it’s nano-sleaze that the media seeks."
(Paul Flynn, Jan. 14, 2008,

Made-up citation: "If you elect me, I'll wipe out sleaze in the community and surrounding areas. My administration will start with nano-sleaze, and from there, we'll move on to macro-sleaze, psycho-sleaze, turbo-sleaze, and choco-sleaze."


noun. A colloquialism for Poughkeepsie. Uh-oh. Where's the goddamn fact-checker?

Real citation: "Back to Minneapolis-stan. Regular duty. Here are some pics from Texas for the memory bank."
(Jack Stack, Aug. 10, 2008, private email)

Made-up citation: "I like the land of Minneapolis-stan. It's a thriving city, unlike some leprous, rotting, zombified urban corpses I won't name and certainly don't hail from originally. *coughcoughBuffalocough*"


noun. An adherent to an alternative to Scientology, a sect characterized by fembots and fraks instead of Xenus and thetamajigs.

Real citation: “Regarding other points - Baltar somehow managed to be skeevier than ever, especially with his new Cylontologist cult... and yet, when Connor and goon attacked, he was yelling for them not to hurt his new minion. Interesting change.”
(Sky Librarian, April 4, 2008, “4-1: "He That Believeth In Me" 2008.04.04,” Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Though I played colonials-and-Cylons as a Catholic schoolboy and slavishly watch the new show as an 'adult,' I'm no Cylontologist. All my religious devotions are for Thor, a jealous god with a big hammer who knows how to use it."

Friday, August 08, 2008


noun. Two puddles short of a urinocalypse.

Real citation: "Fergie is more vulgar than Peldon, who is just straight up crazy but in a somewhat more ladylike manner? On t'other hand, Fergie is talented, and so pretty, and who wouldn't sell her own grandmother for a nickel, to have such a bod as hers, and I totally felt so sorry for her after the pee-tastrophe."
(March 27, 2008, Go Fug Yourself,

Made-up citation: "As a summer camp counselor, I laughed at pee-tastrophes, poosasters, and unidentifiable ooze. Now I wash my hands if I even think about germs. What happened and where can I find a moist towelette?"

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


noun. A talker whose buttmunchitude is roughly equivalent to a box of rocks. Or a bag of stones. Or a carton of milk. Or an underachieving gazebo.

Real citation: "'This segment sponsored by Toyota--moving forward'
SOB! Write a couple of dumb illogical ant-GM articles and become a celebrity, see your booksales improve and become the spokesdumbass for all things green and anti-GM."
(June 19, 2006, GM Inside News Forum,

Made-up citation: "I'm thinking of hiring a spokesdumbass. I'll look smart by comparison, and I can lay off the spokesnutjob, who gets on the nerves and wires of my favorite: the shiny and melodious spokesfembot."


noun. A doowhackey-bot.

they say $10 dollar robotic floor cleaner, i say $10 cat toy that cleans floors..."
(April 6, 2005,

Made-up citation: "In the 21st century workplace, everything is techno-hickeymadoodles and robo-whatsits. We'll return your brain in the morning after the nano-bionic-whateverization."

Tuesday, August 05, 2008


noun. A keen, wanker-detecting sense, honed by years of living in West Wankistan (a.k.a. Earth).

Related terms: sexual-geniusdar, weirdo-dar, someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar, zombie-dar, camel toe-dar, dogdar, creepydar.

Real citation: "whoops my wankerdar is going off."
(July 19, 2006, Guitar Zone Forum,

Made-up citation: "Wankerdar is a handy superpower when dealing with the human species, but I'd prefer a heightened sense of dog-crap-dar, for the sake of decency and my shoes."


noun. A delicate process that may induce drooling and balloon-making.

Real citation: "From ex-Apple evangelist and guru's guru Guy Kawasaki, who gets more visits to his blog in a day than most people see in a month, these fun but serious two posts on preventing a Bozo expolsion and the Bozoification"
(March 2, 2006, How to Change the World,

Made-up citation: "Bozoification and de-edumacation go together like Swedish pancakes and Swedish massages. *shudders with joy at the sweet merciful Swedish thought*"

Monday, August 04, 2008


adj. Thoughty. Deeeeeeeep-thoughty.

Real citation: "And so true, when you think about it. Philosophical-rifficy."
(May 9, 2007,

Made-up citation: "My favorite game is Connect Four. I shun the philosophical-rifficy life. Lining up four checkers--that's all my lizard brain can handle when I'm beered up, thank you. And the ladies love Connect Four masters the way pigs love pork chops!"


adv. Involving no hand-choppage or whirly-twirly-leapy-flippiness.

Real citation: "Anakin Skywalker's turn. Yeah, there was the thing with the Tusken Raiders, and the Warped Aesop that wanting someone you love to not die is bad, but the actual turn happens when Mace Windu gets handed the Idiot Ball and tries to rather un-Jedi-ishly execute Palpatine."
(Television Tropes & Idioms,

Made-up citation: "Young apprentice, you hold your lightsaber most un-Jedi-ishly. Don't be afraid to clutch it tight--corndog soaked in goat pee, it is not."


noun. Look deep into the eyes of a kitten, and this ye shall find. Did I say kitten? Make that "eight-headed, multi-genitalia'd, ten-tentacled hellbeast from Jersey".

Real citation: "As much as I dislike Kenny Thomas' basketball ability (more on that tomorrow), it's painful to see this turn into such a disaster. Really, for storytelling sake, the only reasonable thing that can come out of this season is a five guard line-up at some point, just to nail the image of ineffiency and abominationitude the bigs have been. (That might be the worst sentence in written word's history; I apologize, but I do not regret.)"
(April 4, 2007, Sactown Royalty,

Made-up citation: "Outside of Biblically ordained cataclysms and family picnics, I see very little abominationitude these days. Is it going out of style?"

Sunday, August 03, 2008


adj. Discombobulation happens to the formal too, you know.

Real citation: "I've slept about 34 hours in the last 3 days. I'm all fucked up and discomrobertulated."
(Dec. 7, 2008,

Made-up citation: "I feel discomrobertulated here in Texas. They kill liberal commie sleazy beardie weenies like me three times before breakfast and twice on Sunday. And it's Sunday!"


adj. A zzzzzz-less state in which conditions on the ground can quickly fall one notch below non-doomtastic.

Real citation: "past two weeks were like, homework constipation for me. not much work, or at least not enough to warrant much effort or panic. would be apt to say then that this week's complete, utter, fucking work diarrhoea.
torrential diarrhoea. tsunami-esque. cataclysmic. apocalyptic. no-sleep-alyptic. i am out of adjectives."
(April 27, 2007,

Made-up citation: "I do not function well in a no-sleep-alyptic state. Give me 17 solid hours of rack time and I'm good to go."

Saturday, August 02, 2008


noun. The chagrinometer broke.

Real citation: "And we had the stroller people walking or parking their gigantomobiles side by side which made it hard if not impossible for Bob to get by without nasty glares and sighs of almighty put-out-upon-ness. Sheesh."
(Aug. 13, 2007, Finding My New Normal,

Made-up citation: "Whenever I leave my apartment, the dog gives me a pouty look of poochly
put-out-upon-ness, as if I've offended the gods--and, in consequence, might soon find myself reincarnated as a pig's ear."

Friday, August 01, 2008


noun. Quadriboobage minus one boobage.

Related terms: tri-boobedness, triboobular.

Real citation: "That shirt gives her triboobage."
(Aug. 23, 2007,

Made-up citation: “I’ve never seen triboobage in the wild. However, on a hotter-than-Satan’s-thong day like today, when I get a restaurant-quality underwear bunch-up, I can say with confidence and horror that my nethergarments have a stranglehold on the family jewels that produces a textbook case of triballage.”

post-traumatic Tony Danza Show disorder

noun phrase. Roughly equivalent to post-traumatic swirly disorder, according to the medical community.

Real citation: "Post-Traumatic 'Tony Danza Show' Disorder Kept James Franco Off Talk Show Circuit For Years"
(Aug. 1, 2008, Defamer,

Made-up citation: "I'd say you're suffering from post-traumatic Tony Danza Show disorder, demon possession, Count Choculitis, multiple ouchies, or complications of the schwing-schwong. Did I mention it's my first day?"