Wednesday, April 30, 2008


adj. Not so democracy-y.

Real citation: “Why can't the smokers have a place to sit down and talk - why do non smokers have extra privileges. It seems so dictatorshippy (I know it's not a real word). Smokers have a lot of sanctions against them and seem to be just letting them take over.”
(Aug. 25, 2007, PixieDusted,

Made-up citation: “As an only child and freelance writer, I thrive in dictatorshippy scenarios. Guards! Bring me a vial of the finest elephant snot in the tri-state area.”


adj. Neither monkey nor mildew nor Martian nor meerkat.

Real citation: “GUYS BEAR in your mind as long as u can see BREATH!!!! Flick ur hair adn step on ir two feet that YOU ARE GORGEOUS , SMART BRAINY , AWESOME and FABULOUS SO CONSIDEr that every one is HUMANLICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!"
(April 8, 2008,

Made-up citation: “Intergalactic gourmets are having a humanlicious time since the discovery of a brave new food source called Earth.”

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


noun. Torture lite: Now available with crystal-clear, all-natural, mountain-fresh spring waterboarding.

Real citation: “How about the rack or the Iron Maiden? Is the torturiness user dependent?”
(Oct. 25, 2007, The Washington Monthly,

Made-up citation: “The Geneva Conventions say nothing of atomic wedgies, mega-swirlies, nuclear noogies, and other forms of torturiness that are like a chocolate picnic compared to the real shit going on these days.”


noun. A deity on the A-list. Eat it, Aphrodite!

Related terms: celebubot, celebubrat, celebucaust, celebu-chef, celebudrunk, celebudude, celebu-ex-con, celebufreak, celebu-gasmic, celebu-idiot, celebu-mediawhore, celebupod, celebu-rexic, celebuspawn, celebu-shambles, celebutard, celebutart, celebutot, celebuturd, celebutwin, celebuvomit, celebuwhatever, celebu-wraith, golden celebutwit triumverate.

Real citation: “We should consider ourselves lucky that the celebuGOD has taken the time to bless us with a crippling lifelong injury and chronic pain.”
(Oct. 18, 2007, TMZ,

Made-up citation: “When choosing a supreme being, don’t commit to a gaudy celebugod right away. There are underpublicized, under-the-radar gods who offer a more personal touch; many are willing to personally fertilize your crops and daughters.”


adj. A less-than-encouraging word to find in your medical chart.

Real citation: “I'm looking for a Meade DS-2000 or DSX mount - Don't need the tripod or controller, just the mount head itself. The one I've got is deadish, so replacing with a non-deadish one would be good - would even consider a deadish one since deadish+deadish = alive :-)”

Made-up citation: “Being with you is…beyond words. I feel renewed. I feel literally born again. I feely marginally non-deadish!”


adj. Oh lordy lord, will you smell that bacon… Yes, bacon. That is the form my redemption is taking.

Real citation: “It looks like America can’t get enough of watching yesterday’s beloved TV stars don sweatsuits of redemption-scented Lycra and go to boot camp to regain the eye of the tiger.”
(Rob Sheffield, April 8, 2008, Rolling Stone,

Made-up citation: “My nose is weak, so I have difficulty detecting redemption-scented omens, gas leaks, and the sweet smell of success, leaving me prone to damnation, death, and failure. Triple bummer.”

Monday, April 28, 2008


noun. Mean-spirited glee over the decline of the monolith formerly known as Shaqzilla.

Real citation: “I agree with you 99% of the time, jpoulos, but I reserve my right to Shaqenfreude."
(July 27, 2004,

Made-up citation: “I am sad over the downfall of the Phoenix Suns, so sad that I can’t summon any Shaqenfreude over the big guy’s deterioration. I just wish he could reclaim his youth, reterrorize the NBA, and eat a shooting guard whole one more time.”


adj. Mmm… Diaper-burgers!

Real citation: “Naturally, after mom and I laughed a good laugh at that, we were treated to all its endless variations for the rest of the morning. Frankie needs a clean diaper? ‘She's diaperiffic!’ Frankie's grumpy? ‘She's grumperiffic!’ And so on...”
(March 24, 2005,

Made-up citation: “It is hard to know which Presidential candidate is the most diaperiffic, so long as all remain fully pantsed. However, as part of his straight talk express, John McCain has admitted to conservative use of Flashback Butt Lifting Technology Boxers.”

Sunday, April 27, 2008


noun. A crapfestacular of mucho-crapitudinous proportions.

Real citation: “The FX in this craptrocity in the making were never the concern. It's the tiny 90210 actors who no one can see reprising these classic roles that bring much consternation. Give us a shot of the main cast in costume and hey, maybe all will be forgiven. But until that time, I'm treating this new Trek like the Terminator franchise is treating 'T3': it didn't fucking happen.”
(Jan. 17, 2008, Ain’t It Cool News,

Made-up citation: "To distinguish between a craptrocity and a craptastrophe, even trained professionals require the assistance of a digital pooper-scooper."

Saturday, April 26, 2008

I'mPerfectSoICanDoAnythingIWantNoMatterHow DespicableBecauseGodLovesMeYay!-ism

noun. Finally, a faith that justifies the things I've done, in the tri-state area, in the privacy of my home, when no spandex could contain me.

Real citation: "Tory and Baltar's religion of I'mPerfectSoICanDoAnythingIWantNoMatterHow DespicableBecauseGodLovesMeYay!-ism is seriously disturbing. It's also so totally a religion Baltar would start."
(Bourgeoisie Nerd, "4-4: "Escape Velocity" 2008.04.25," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Conversion to I'mPerfectSoICanDoAnythingIWantNoMatterHow
DespicableBecauseGodLovesMeYay!-ism is certainly tempting, but I daren't make the leprechauns sad or Odin's ravens angry. I'm a two-faith man, and that is it."

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Australian schnauzer-doodle-whatever-poo

noun. The trendy-yet-vague dog breed that sets a new standard for creativity in breeding and surplus of syllables.

Real citation: “Then again, without unusual pressures in the gene pool, labs wouldn't be labs. All dogs would be Australian schnauzer-doodle-whatever-poos. (And I'm sure the Australian schnauzer-doodle-whatever-poo is a fine dog in its own right--please don't anyone take offense!)”
(Nov. 5, 2006,

Made-up citation: “My dad bought me an Australian schnauzer-doodle-whatever-poo, but I wanted a chimphuahua. Guess I’ll have to breed my own dino-nano-doodle-poo, and together we will be avenged.”


noun. A female who has done something before, perhaps something lost in the swirling mists of time, a certain something that can hardly be imagined by man or beast or apparition.

Real citation: “April's ish of Seventeen is the first produced under new E in C Ann Shoket’s regime. Is she working hard to differentiate herself from her predecessoress, the voluptuous, tribe-gathering, sparkling magical rainbow that is Atoosa Rubenstein?”
(March 12, 2007, Gawker,

Made-up citation: “Cave-ologists have stopped using the terms 'cavewoman' and 'cavemanette' in favor of the more egalitarian 'predecessoress.'”

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


noun. A quality possessed by the common douchebag as well as the yellow-footed doucheball, the sheath-tailed douchewad, the six-legged douchebutt, the egg-sucking doucheface, and the tickle-brained douchemonger.

Real citation: “douchitudinousness [doosh-uh-tood-i-nuss-ness] Noun
This is not, in fact, a real word. However, if it were, it might describe the pure idiocy of this image:”
(Nov. 1, 2006, Crankster,

Made-up citation: “I don’t hate you because you lack even a morsel of moral fiber. I hate you because you possess bottomless buckets of douchitudinousness.”


adj. Goes well with substances that are meatloafy-y.

Real citation: “You’re all cabbagey.
Oh…and you’re all gravy-y.“

Made-up citation: “I married you for your father’s millions. Acquiring your mother’s zombie army was just gravy-y.”

go psycho-batshit-bonkers

idiom. To go cuckoo for the wackiest, crackiest Cocoa Puffs in the cereal aisle.

Real citation: “If that's flipping out, then Bill Clinton goes psycho-batshit-bonkers every time he confronts a 9-11 truther.”
(March 7, 2008, Althouse,

Made-up citation: “When I miss a meal and my blood sugar reaches dangerously unsweetened levels, I am far more likely to go psycho-batshit-bonkers and/or consume a live squirrel.”


noun. My brain is enough. I don’t need your squishy lobes getting unclean thoughts on the futon!

Real citation: “I know that Marc makes an easy example, because he has a very strong personality and is very equal opportunity about who he pisses off. (And - another digression - I value that kind of person a lot, and it takes an asshole with a thick skin, like me, to say some of these things; i.e. it is our cluelessness or not-caring-what-other-people-will-thinkitude, and our not following the rules, that stirs shit up and makes a productive conversation happen.) But, Marc is just the obvious easy example, and this dynamic exists all the time in many situations, not just in the geek conference world.
(Liz Henry, June 26, 2006,

Made-up citation: “As an only child, I developed inner strength, independence, hypochondria, not-caring-what-other-people-will-thinkitude, and some wicked scenarios involving a joint Cylon-G.I. Joe takeover of the Millennium Falcon.”

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


noun. A genetic misfit who drinks from the sweet elixir of fame. Let's just hope they don't get any DNA on the glass.

Related terms: celebubot, celebubrat, celebucaust, celebu-chef, celebudrunk, celebudude, celebu-ex-con, celebufreak, celebu-gasmic, celebu-idiot, celebu-mediawhore, celebupod, celebu-rexic, celebuspawn, celebu-shambles, celebutard, celebutart, celebutot, celebuturd, celebutwin, celebuvomit, celebuwhatever, celebu-wraith, golden celebutwit triumverate.

Real citation: “It went a bit downhill for me when Siobhan left (just like Bananarama, innit) and they drafted in human piece of airbrush art Heidi (who looks eerily like a photofit combining both Victoria and David Beckham into one Stepford celebu-mutant).”
(Jan. 26, 2008, throughsilver in blog,

Made-up citation: "When hunting celebu-mutants, don't skimp on the celebu-napalm."


noun. Apathy just got out-apathied.

Real citation: “Remind me which one is apathy again. I get something-thy's mixed up.”
(Aug. 22, 2007,

Made-up citation: “Read my new book: How Something-thy and Moral Whatever-tude are Oh, Never Mind.”

Monday, April 21, 2008


noun. A quality found in two types: 1) Females. 2) Males who do not resemble their own genitalia.

Real citation: “Perhaps whether or not to give this person membership could then be put to a vote of a random selection of members who've been around for a month or more so it's not the same people choosing every time. True, someone could just feign insightfulness and non-prick-like-ness for those couple of paragraphs, but it'd be a bother, and I think people would start to recognize the writing of the previously booted enough that they'd not invite them back.”
(March 14, 2002, Barbelith Underground,

Made-up citation: “If your must-haves for men have been reduced to non-prick-like-ness and full bowel control, you might be setting the bar a little low.”


adj. Like faith-based--if religion were replaced with juicy, juicy yams.

Real citation: “In this essay yam-oriented beliefs and behavior patterns are analyzed in an effort to understand the symbolic complexities surrounding yams in the Sepik area of New Guinea.”
(Donald F. Tuzin, “Yam Symbolism in the Sepik: An Interpretative Account,” Southwestern Journal of Anthropology, Vol. 28, No. 3, Autumn 1972)

Made-up citation: “According to my uncle, art can be divided into eight categories: classical, modern, contemporary, conceptual, yam-oriented, soul-destroying, groin-beckoning, and neo-caveman.”

Sunday, April 20, 2008


noun. Hootchie-kootchie; rumpy-pumpy; nookie-bookie; boinky-boinky.

Real citation: “For me, doing a Rolling Stones show for two hours a night, that’s enough fuckin’ exercise, you know? Then I’ve got to go to bed with the old lady, bonka bonka, you know?”
(Keith Richards, Uncut, April 2008, page 38)

Made-up citation: “When suggesting bonka-bonka, misunderstandings can arise. Make sure your sweetie-bag isn’t holding a wrench.”

Saturday, April 19, 2008


noun. A crapitudinous individual who may be delicious with strawberries.

Real citation: “My clone is a crapwaffle, he stabbed me...”
(Jan. 28, 2008,

Made-up citation: “Remember the Hillary/Obama debate over denouncing vs. rejecting? A new linguistic conflict divides the candidates, who cannot decide whether John McCain is a class A crapwaffle or merely a poopoobuckethead."

Friday, April 18, 2008


noun. A catastro-f-word for the young or freaky.

Related term: catastrofrak.

Real citation: “Which means we would have to go through this commercial catastrofreak only one-fourth as often as we now do!”
(JT Evans, Dec. 24, 2006,

Made-up citation: “This operation is one freak short of a catastrofreak. Better call the home office: I hear there’s a speed freak, a health freak, a meth freak, a Jesus freak, a control freak, and a freak magnet just hanging by the watercooler, freaking each other out.”

go to hell in a D Cup

verb phrase. A wonder-bra-ous journey to a tropical land.

Related terms: go to hell in a coffee cup, go to hell in a Dixie cup, go to hell in a tin cup.

Real citation: “All of these people are completely fucked up. And none of them are any better or worse than the next. They're all going to hell in a D Cup.”
(whyistherumgone, Dec. 11, 2007, “Nip/Tuck: Plot Holes Are A Curse Upon The World,” Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “As an admirer of boobamaphones, I’d gladly go to hell in a D cup. It beats the subway or a handbasket.”

Thursday, April 17, 2008


noun. A defective model who could never keep up with the big-bulging-brain-o-bots.

Real citation: “This record is best described as Disturbed mixed with Godsmack (the singer seems to be having an identity crisis deciding which lughead moronobot front man to emulate). As a matter of fact, blend those two comparisons with a heaping pile of liquefied crap, and you'll get a pretty decent representation of this listening experience.”

Made-up citation: “Honey, look at this! The moronobot is playing Connect Four with the toaster.”


noun. A rejected synonym for born again?

Real citation: “Then the variable for ‘’ would become [FALSE] when it's unloaded, and the other three be used for determining the re-spawnification of your asteroid.”
(Oct. 10, 2007, X Universe Forums,

Made-up citation: “I say this in sorrow, but let me tell you what my opponent is in favor of: Left-handed re-spawnification. Collaborative thought leadership. Stem-cell polkas. Multi-pig fraternization.”

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

sweet merciful Oprah

idiom. An exclamation offensive to Odin, Jesus, Zeus, my Uncle Fred, and all other males.

Related terms: for Oprah’s sake, for the love of Oprah.

Real citation: “Sweet merciful Oprah, I can't feel my colon!”
(June 17, 2005,

Made-up citation: “Sweet merciful Oprah! I’ve known many star-crossed lovers, but you’re the first star-crossed proctologist.”


adj. 1) Chock full o’ crack. 2) Not so chock full o’ sanity.

Real citation: “the former BNB office space was a loft constructed literally on precarious wooden planks on the more crackpipey side of Amory.”
(Feb. 12, 2007,

Made-up citation: “I feel old-fashioned, with my hare-brained, crackpipey schemes. All the evil geniuses today are so batshit-deranged and crystal-methy. Maybe I should dye my hair…”

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


adj. Here there be fluff, sources say.

Real citation: “It's a grey, rainy day here in the heart of the Lone Star State...and I wish I could do exactly what that fluffitudinous pupster is doing!”
(Sept. 9, 2006, Cute Overlord,

Made-up citation: “Why are you leaving, Veronica? Do you really have to get up early? Or is it my blonde, bouffant, fluffitudinous chest afro?”


noun. One part cockapoo, one part shih-tzu, one part are you twelve years old?

Related term: cockapoopoopoo.

Real citation: “I have a cocka-shih-poo. Hehe, what a mouthfull. I'm totally willing to exchange any info with you about the poo mixes.”
(July 14, 2003,

Made-up citation: “You think the cocka-shih-poo is something? Wait till I breed that puppy with a rat terrier to create the world’s first cocka-rat-shih-poo. And it’s alive!“


noun. 1) A naughty name for an eco-minded person. 2) A nasty name for a resident of Earth, much like Earthie, Earthican, Earthwad, and Earthbutt.

Real citation: “Gosh, I put DM's 'community service' work right up there with ah...Plastic Duck's Unconscionable Rehabilitation. You know why? Well, no. 1, whenever some anti-globalist earthtard shines on with the enviro speak I sigh...and note that their dorm room alone consumes enough energy to power a small third-world village.”
(July 12, 2007, Second Thoughts,

Made-up citation: “’Bow down, Earthtards!’ said the Martian warlord Xhulatula, as his faithful pack of peebots claimed the White House for the glorious red planet.”


noun. A lifestyle available to powerful men and fruit-eating bats.

Real citation: “So, all these women you know here- you've fukked all of them??!! serial-haremology
(Dec. 17, 2007,

Made-up citation: “Until I can deal with one woman for more than two months, I shall have to ignore the siren call of serial-haremology, despite the year-round flood of applicants.”

Monday, April 14, 2008


adj. Used to describe individuals who have no desire to kill, marry, frak, disembowel, or serenade their male parental units.

Real citation: “Kate: Um, Sayid… you should leave for like, a journey of self-discovery or something.
Jack: I think what she means to say is, get out of here, you non-daddy-issues-having terrorist!!
Sayid: (stomping off in search of daddy issues) Hey, a rope. (gets captured by crazy French woman)”
(Oct. 17, 2007,,

Made-up citation: “Yes, yes, I do believe that, at this point in time, you are a strong, competent, non-daddy-issues-having individual. But aren’t those your father’s veins betwixt your teeth?”


adj. Creepy enough to make the gods weep?

Real citation: “you're on line... i see you. creepo-weepo, huh? hope you are well.”
(April 17, 2007,

Made-up citation: “Do I look creepo-weepo in my pseudo-speedo? I do? Fetch me my eco-dildo! My heart has gone smasho-crasho..."

Sunday, April 13, 2008


noun. A word that violates the fourteenth commandment: Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in silliness.

Real citation: “I love this chapter! I like how you switched the marriage proposal with another kind of indecent proposal. I was not expecting it. Foreplay? All hot and bothered? Oh my good-giddy-awd I was about to wet myself. That was hillarious. Keep it funny.”
(Dec. 11, 2006, Fiction Press,

Made-up citation: “Nietzsche’s original manuscript said, ‘Good-giddy-awd is dead,' but revisions were made after friends convinced the author that this spelling was a trifle inappropriate for the obituary of the supreme deity.”


adj. A mind is a terrible thing to soufflé and serve with pie.

Real citation: “Very jealous Mister Lewis, alas I still canna remember. Just call me lobotolicious.”
(Oct. 31, 2007, Bath University Skydiving Club,

Made-up citation: “At the end of a long day at the bowtie factory, I crave lobotolicious entertainment. Who needs a cerebellum when I have Frasier?”

Friday, April 11, 2008


adj. 1. Worse-ish than a boo-boo. 2. Something to do with some band that is probably not available for children’s parties.

Real citation: “Starting with the abstraction of Inverted, the album hands off the Pestilence-ish keyboard intro to The Quest for Equilibrium, drops a devastating guitar solo in the fury of Das Martyrium Des, and peaks with the epic smolder of Elusive Treasures."

Made-up citation: “Today’s weather will be partly cloudy, moderately pestilence-ish, chance of rain of fire.”


adj. Prone to inhaling grey matter the way my dog chows cat poo. Ew.

Real citation: “So yeah, the computer's my brainsucky machine of choice these days.”
(July 20, 2006,

Made-up citation: “My education reform plan can be summed up in thirteen words: We’re taking the D out of de-edumacation. But we’re leaving that brainsucky part.”

Wednesday, April 09, 2008


noun. Look deep into a bottomless pit of pain, and this ye shall find, under some poo.

Real citation: “Once again I am at a loss of ideas for shit to write on this godforsaken blog that has taken me through whirlwinds of twists and turns from distraughtitude (screw it others in blogsconcin make up words why shouldn't I) to elation back down to feeling a bit above the common weevil.”
(Aug. 25, 2005, Media in Trouble,

Made-up citation: “Save me from distraughtitude, sweet Melinda! I only require a crumb of your heart's tender mercy and a morsel of your cousin’s finest weed.”


noun. A fuckwit acquired by the holy sacrament of marriage.

Real citation: “I am shattered. I am also likely to be locked up, because my fuckwit in law pommy rang me to gloat, I threatened to rip his pommy head off and drop a shit in the stump.”
(Aug. 7, 2005, After Grog Blog,

Made-up citation: “Through annulment, I lost a treacherous spouse, a lecherous fuckwit-in-law, a preposterous poodle-in-law, and an adorable nanomajig-in-law, who left a tiny hole in my heart and petri dish.”


noun. A tiny, mini, teacup foozamabob.

Related terms: nano-bionic-whateverization, nano-cylo-std, nano-destructo-mat, nano-douche-bot, nanopoop, nanoschlong, nanosomethingorother, nano-souled, nanotesticles, nano-wand of love.

Real citation: “Any real-world nanomajig will require the harmonious integration of many kinds of parts—sensors, electronics, readouts, control units, and mechanical pieces—and learning how to assemble all this stuff will be not unlike building a Model T from scratch.”

Made-up citation: “Jennifer, you should know something. As we sip our white chocolate mochas, nanomajigs are in my brain. All at once, they came. Even now, they’re stepping on things and smoking. I think they’ve founded a field hockey team.”


noun. Someone’s in the pudding club, I reckon.

Real citation: “I'd imagine it's safe if you don't skip a day from one sort to the next, but that a doctor would recommend you be safe until your body adjusts to it (to avoid getting sued in the even of pregnantification).”
(April 13, 2006,

Made-up citation: "How do your mother and I prevent further pregnantification? Vatican roulette, Satanic prayers, organic foods, and the use of no less than eight condoms per conjugal event."

Tuesday, April 08, 2008


adj. “Turdy” grew up, went to grad school, copped an attitude, and got some fancy new syllables.

Real citation: “At dinner, eat an enormous and unusual amount of sourdough bread, or any other thick, moist bread that can be churned into a heavy gastric paste among the confines of your nether-testines. In the morning, awaken yourself with a strong 2 cups of caffeinated coffee, and a whole fresh pineapple. This in itself is not enough to produce a turdological reaction in your colon. You must add substance, not only fibrous, but sponge-like. I suggest goldfish crackers. Like a whole bag, at least, and make it the multi-grain kind. They work faster. Go about your business for the rest of the morning.”
(Dec. 6, 2007,

Made-up citation: “My dog is a prolific pooper, so I always carry at least five bags when we go out—just in case a 3-alarm, 5-part, 24-carat symphony of turdological virtuosity occurs.”

Monday, April 07, 2008


noun. A Beatles-shattering event, unequaled in horror.

Real citation: “9:20 p.m.: When the recognized elements of music—beats, a bassline—finally start, the crowd cheers… until Ono starts, um, singing. Her grunts and screams sound simian, and the crowd's mass exodus begins. 'We can say we've seen her,' says one couple on the way to the exit. Another person standing nearby is more blunt: 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me.' Elsewhere: 'Homewrecker!' and 'Shut up and ROCK!' After the first song, Ono performs what appears to be a mini-play, voicing the parts of a couple of characters. It is, like the rest of her set, excruciating. As our packed bus heads up Ashland, we can only pray for those left behind. The only question is whether to call this event the Yokocaust or the Onopocalypse.”
(Scott Gordon, Josh Modell, Sean O’Neal, Kyle Ryan, July 18, 2007, The Onion AV Club,

Made-up citation: "In Norse mythology, Ragnarok is the horrific end of the world, when the gods will die, the earth will burn, and the very fabric of the universe will be smoked like a cheap cigar. Ragnarok is less feared than a sudden Yokocaust."


noun. A mammal far less frightening than the chimphuahua.

Related terms: poodlehuahua, rathuahua, wienerhuahua.

Real citation: “Other Beagle Mix varieties: Like purebred Beagles, other Beagle mix varieties are also known for being friendly towards people, children and other animals. Beagle mixes, like the ones crossed with dachshund, poodle, Chihuahua or boxer inherit all of the good traits of the purebreds without retaining the genetic health issues. But more than that, a Pit Beagle or a Beaglehuahua is quite an uncommon creature and can add that extra glamour in one’s pet-keeping habits.”

Made-up citation: "If Snoopy had been a beaglehuahua, the marketing possibilities with Taco Bell would have been breathtaking."

Sunday, April 06, 2008


adj. May contain douche-like substance.

Real citation: “WOW! That is a lot of absolute garbage under STP. I understand why scott weiland would associate himself with that less than average crew of bands (since he was in the most douchetronic band of all time - velvet revolver), but the rest of the guys, im shocked.”
(Feb. 12, 2008,

Made-up citation: “I stopped using hair gel this year but joined a gym. That’s a wash in the douchetronic department.”


noun. Hark! The killbots have come! I knew they would.

Real citation: “I agree that that scene was a little vague, whether accidentally or on purpose. My interpretation is that he's demonstrating that he's not taking any chances with himself becoming a robo-murderer, and at the same time he's letting each of the other 3 decide for themselves.”
(shapeshifter, April 5, 2008, “4-1: "He That Believeth In Me" 2008.04.04,” Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “Inside every robo-murderer is a robo-innocent, who only wants to be loved and accepted. As these metal citizens become robo-actualized, satiation of the bloodlust, 10100001001000111110100010101, and free hats would also be helpful.”

Friday, April 04, 2008


noun. A virtue seldom taught, even at the finest research universities in the tri-state area.

Real citation: “In that case i will have to activate my Robot Army to defend my warlordiness!”
(Dec. 22, 2006,

Made-up citation: “I’m cultivating my warlordiness. Today I beheaded a carrot, and I didn’t even wonder if he had a family.”


interjection. Few words are so magical and mammular.

Real citation: “Make all the females members magically send me topless pictures! Abracaboobra!”
(Jan. 10, 2008, Spill,

Made-up citation: “'Abracaboobra' and 'peekaboob' are good examples of words to leave out of your plea for mercy to the high priestess who is holding you suspended over a volcano by the short ones.”

Thursday, April 03, 2008


adj. A word encompassing nearly all the bozos who roam the earth.

Real citation: “What did regular, non-emergency-room-physician-type people do BEFORE the advent of cell phones? Did they run to the pay phone near the bathrooms every five minutes? No. They simply did not get the calls. Or they checked their voicemail after the meal. OR they stayed at home and waited for the calls. OR they went to the hospital and waited with the person from whom they would expect the calls. When did it become acceptable to answer and engage in cell-phone conversations when dining out? To me, it's one thing: RUDE.”
(April 1, 2008, Tomato Nation,

Made-up citation: “I’m a unique, special individual. I said I'd never try online dating! But since I'm here, I’d like to meet a non-splodey, non-sharey, non-turdly, non-emergency-room-physician-type non-sleazoid. I'm allergic to ferrets, and you should be too."


noun. The scientific study of some nifty gizmography, the kind that makes big rocks and first officers go poof! And bamf!

Real citation: “teleportationology
(Nov. 5, 2007, sgForums,

Made-up citation: “In college, I dropped my teleportationology major in favor of English. Now I write articles and dine at the dumpster instead of flying spaceships and consuming planets. I have regrets.”

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

menstool cycle

noun. The rare phenomenon, seldom hinted at in the medical literature, in which men get their shit together.

Real citation: "Q: Some of my guy friends and I have noticed that when we go on road trips or just general vacations where we spend a lot of time together, we all get on the same pooping 'cycle.' After a few days together, we always end up having to poop at the same time -- sort of the male equivalent of women and the menstrual cycle. Our question: Is there a name for this phenomenon?-- Jakob, San Francisco
SG: The menstool cycle?"
(Bill Simmons, April 1, 2008, "Time for another Boston breakdown," ESPN Page 2,

Made-up citation: "Hey fellas! What do you say we go shopping for Flashback Butt Lifting Technology Boxers? Then we'll get on the same menstool cycle. Then we can get manograms and manzilians and manties. Why are you running away? Prosty the Spokesgland won't be happy!"

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

cradle robberette

noun. Like a bank robberette, but this could be illegal. Oh, wait…

Real citation: "Dear Suzanne,
I’m a 21 year old female senior who’s recently fallen for an 18-year old freshman. At first the age difference didn’t bother me, but then I started getting hassled by my friends because he’s so young. He’s mature for his age, and kind, and I’ll admit, adorably hot, and it’s not like its illegal (barely!), but I am frustrated that he cannot go out to the bars with me, and that he only talks about high school experiences because he has no college experiences yet. Should I wise up and find a man my own age, or let my buzzing feelings for him continue to dictate the situation?
Cradle Robberette"
(Oct. 13, 2005,

Made-up citation: “I’d gladly date a cradle robberette. To fail at a new type of relationship would be refreshing.”


noun. Damn it, Jim, I’m a lexicographer, not a quantumographer!

Real citation: “Well… JACS appears to have a higher-than-average amount of nanoblahblah dealing with quantumblahblah that I really couldn’t follow with my feeble synthetic organic chemistry brain. There are a few things in there, however.”
(Oct. 3, 2006, The Chem Blog,

Made-up citation: “Through hard work and quantumblahblah, I think we can regrow your torso, the only part of your body that was demolished in the accident.”


adj. Some people just peel off the sacred image of the Virgin Mary and eat the delicious danish with their ungodly face-hole. Heathentastical people!

Real citation: “Hehehe. Hail Viking Raider and welcome to the Valley as you can see there are lots of heathentastic folks here and some Viking fans so you should feel right at home here ! Hope you enjoy your time spent in the Valley.”
(May 10, 2006,

Made-up citation: “I try to instill heathentastic values in my children. We eat kittens for breakfast, film porn in the afternoon, desecrate a flag in the evening, and kiss a graven image of Satan’s hindquarters before night-night. If the kids have been proper hellbeasts, we have stem-cell smores before bed.”


noun. A jiggerwhackey that detects the ishy, the ew-y, and the cousincesty.

Real citation: “Oh, lord - just looked her up, IMDB says she was born in 1987. She's just two years older than my eldest, while Keanneau is, uhm six days older than me. My squickometer just broke.”
(Nov. 2, 2007, SFGate,

Made-up citation: “With my trusty new squickometer, life is less barf-worthy. I’m getting an electro-depantsifier or cappuccino machine next.”