Sunday, July 30, 2006


noun. Um, this may not be a compliment to our female-ier friends. Then again, who doesn't like a good wad?

"don't get me wrong, you know my sexual preference...but i'm going to have to go with the rainbow dress. I think I could work it with my mad model-walk skills. Also, the beznootchy who ran over my dog won't pick up her phone. But Indie is doing great, so at least hootchie-wad woman isn't a doggie killer."
(Sara, June 15, 2006,

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between a hootchie-wad and a hootchie mama, according to my sister."


noun. Here ye shall find oomph, and a few hormones too.

Real citation: "Later you run into more of your lighter or purely informational fluff, Maltins, Siskel and Eberts, Rex Reeds, of greatly variable oomphitude in importance of opinion."
(GrapeApe, Sept. 5, 2001,

Made-up citation: "When it's so hot that I'm going through four pairs of underwear a day, oomphitude is pretty much out of the question."

Friday, July 28, 2006


noun. The spawn of my crotch's loins. Or the crotchfruit of my spawn's spawn? Loins are involved.

Related terms: great great grandspawn, great great great great great grandspawn, great-grand-crotchfruit.

Real citation: "The Simple Life follows the adventures of two young heiresses, hotelier great-grandspawn Paris Hilton and '80s hit-maker offspring Nicole Richie, as they are whisked away from the funky nightclubs and beery vomitoria of Beverly Hills and deposited on a humble, wholesome farm in hillbilly country."
(Kevin Baker, "A Modest Conspiracy Theory," Dec. 4, 2005, Running to Ruin,

Made-up citation: "I told my parents they'd better appreciate my puppy Monkey--he's the closet thing to a great-grandspawn they're gonna get."


adj. Dude, there are no succubi sex-kittens here. Move along.

Real citation: "For the other women that get harrassed while playing normal or prudish/frumpy, or just plain non-playthingish characters, not succubi sex-kittens, those are the women I have sympathy for, but not for women who play characters that are playing a sexy phermone excreting succubi. Sheesh"
(deFafnyr, May 14, 2006,

Made-up citation: "My new screenplay--Non-playthingish Nuns of Narnia--has been hard to sell. Mom says I should work 'nookie' into the title."

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


noun. Depending on whether you live in the world of Battlestar Galactica or reality, this slur describes a citizen who humps evil robots or handy appliances.

Real citation: "Helo walks into the Officers' Mess like they're actually going to hang out and have fun, even though he's a toasterfucker, and everybody looks at him crazy."
(Jacob, "Flight of the Phoenix," Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "If the Battlestar Galactica fembots are toasters, I'd like to be put on the toasterfucker waiting list immediately."


noun. A somewhat bugfuck way to be. In other words: Potato wing! Potato wing!

Real citation: "But whatever, is this sort of conversation typical, or have I managed to secure yet another nutbar? Lots of other evidence points to nutbarhood (expectation that I'll read her mind and figure out what she wants without her telling me, a general grumpiness toward me based on my txt messages, complete lack of response when I ask if she wants to meet me in person, complete lack of response when I ask what's wrong/what I've done to upset her, and complete lack of desire to communicate anything at all even though she's obviously unhappy with things ('I don't want to talk, can't things just be?'). But I'm always open to the idea that I'm wrong somehow, I'm missing something."
(Damian. Feb. 27, 2004,

Made-up citation: "It's like someone wrote a book just for me: The End of Faith is all about the nutbarhood of religious people, and why they're going to kill us all."

Sunday, July 23, 2006


noun. That first Presidential veto, which can be so awkward.

Real citation: "Yesterday he lost his veto-ginity. Attaboy, George!"
(Stephen Colbert, July 20, 2006, The Colbert Report)

Made-up citation: "Commander Cuckoo-Bananas lost his veto-ginity to a bunch of stem cells. How romantic."


noun. A ghostly critter or thingy. Maybe a ghost goat or ghost toaster. Boooooo! Hissss! I mean, booooooooooooo!

Real citation: "Yao-O-SHI-2 shouts, 'Who has that polterthing!'"
(Jan. 29, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I don't believe in polterthings, Zeus, Jesus, or leprechauns. But I believe in the healing power of Goldbond."

Thursday, July 20, 2006


adj. Kah-boomy.

Real citation: "Prepping the big kah-splodey finale"
(Rogers, June 11, 2005, Kung Fu Monkey,

Made-up citation: "Given the current state of the world, I'm having trouble thinking of a joke with 'kah-splodey' in it. I think I'll just go back to my Chappelle's Show season two DVDs and have another grain alcohol and tonic."


noun. This is how stupid happens, one corpus callosum at a time.

Related terms: dumbassification.

Real citation: "I'm well aware of the insidious process of braindeadification Ender."
(Hewitt, Nov. 10, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Whether you call it edumacation or braindeadification, high school pretty much sucks, according to a renowned professor of education."

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


noun. A keen groin-juice-detecting device, sold separately from Depends.

Real citation: "As our facility lacks a ballsweatometer, quantitative testing was not possible."
(Keller & O'Brien, ""A Qualitative Examination of the Relationship Between Above-Basal Metabolic Rates and Scrotum Humidity," Feb. 8, 2005,

Made-up citation: "After three straight days in the high nineties, my ballsweatometer officially broke. That's not gonna be good for business. That's not gonna be good for anybody."


noun. A legally uncoupled couple. But what about the crotchfruit? Maybe you should stay together for the crotchfruit.

Real citation: “It's official: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are now divorcey-weds.”
(Ann Romano, “One Day at a Time,” July 13, 2006, The Portland Mercury,

Made-up citation: "Most of my friends have at least one parent who's a divorcey-wed. I'm starting to think my parents are weirdoes just for staying hitched."

Sunday, July 16, 2006


noun. The kind of fembot they sell in a plain brown wrapper.

Real citation: "In this one, Galatea the sexpotbot drives Pygmalion ... [plot incomplete]."
(KnightEnder, April 8, 2005,;f=18;t=000010;p=0)

Made-up citation: "Humanity's need for sleep, food, shelter, and sexpotbots is powerful, according to researchers at a local university."


noun. A species closely related to the pigfucker, the jerkwad, and the pork chop.

Real citation: "Hey you prejudiced pigwad - I'm a Cretin."
(lonvideo, Oct. 25, 2002,

Made-up citation: "Besides her freaky use of dashes, Emily Dickinson was unusually fond of the words 'pigwad' and 'snorkel.'"

Thursday, July 13, 2006


noun. She will save us all--if she passes Seven-Headed-Monster-Riding 101.

Related terms: messiahess, messiahette.

Real citation: "Occupation: messiahess-in-training"

Made-up citation: "I'm seeking a mattressable, mom-burban, mind-fornicating messiahess-in-training. I also like bubble tea."


noun. North of Kablooey City.

Real citation: "So, what happens is, we see Apollo's Viper in the foreground, and lots of flak explosions in the background, which pretty well obscure the Galactica. Against this background of kaboomsville, the Cylon ship is basically only identifiable because it's the thing that's got glowing engines but isn't bursting into flame."
(Strega, "Scattered," page 11,

Made-up citation: "And the Bible said, 'The Middle East shall yield many prophets, plus a whole shitload of kaboomsville. Selah.'"

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


adj. Like, totally unbecoming of a messenger of the divine word.

Real citation: "Also...the term "fragging" seems a bit un-prophetesque."
(Tommy, Dec. 26, 2002,

Made-up citation: "Depending on your worldview, gibberish and spittle could be considered un-prophetesque or really, really prophet-y."

breasticular fortitude

noun. Who needs balls when you got bazoombas? (Not to be confused with lady balls).

Related terms: testicular fortitude, gonadal fortitude.

Real citation: "Couldn't agree with you more Straw, things have smartened up a bit in the past few days...and we welcome your breasticular fortitude around this place..."
(MrEMan, Jan. 28, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Though her breasts themselves have inspired few pundits or web pages, I think it's Hillary Clinton's breasticular fortitude that terrifies and enrages the bed-shitting mobs who despise her."

Sunday, July 09, 2006


adj. Mmm...Christlike on a cracker.

Real citation: "mmmm... Stigmatalicious..."
(Phil Ashton, April 6, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Arby's new Stigmatalicious Steakburger brings joy to meat lovers and the Jeebusly inclined. Huzzah!"


adj. This means MINE.

Real citation: "The redhead stood and shut the door; her friend seemed like she had something on her mind and with the noise going on outside their room…well, it was safe to say Buffy would be in a non-sharey mood."

Made-up citation: "On the first date, non-sharey-ness is a virtue. As is dressing like a porn star."

Thursday, July 06, 2006


noun. The hellspawn of my grandspawn's loins.

Real citation: "G5, I seriously doubt that if you had a national referendum on prostitution, it would still be illegal. Those laws were FORCED on an unsuspecting public in 1915 by a tiny and vicious lobby group of religious old bitches of both sexes, and they continue to stay on the books by virtue of the lobbying of said bitches' great-grand-crotchfruit. The average American (thank Satan) believes in 'what goes on between consenting adults is nobody else's business.' Brazil and Colombia have this written in their constitutions. Sometimes I really wonder who are the 'atrasados' in this world!"
(Rubiazo, June 19, 2005,

Made-up citation: "When you make a decision, Mr. President, don't just think of the crotchfruit. Think of the great-grand-crotchfruit."


noun. A handy operative or device that makes much kaboom and many pieces.

Real citation: "Occupation: Rubble-izer"

Made-up citation: "I often wish I had a 300-kiloton rubble-izer to aim at bikers who ride on the sidewalk and almost hit my dog. Then I could phase out my repertoire of friendly questions like, 'What's wrong? Is the street too scary?'"

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


noun. A pickled, perished state.

Real citation: "absolutely mortified, but not ready for embalmitude"
(Sean Willard, June 11, 1993,

Made-up citation: "I've seen Sonic Youth 12 times and love them deeply, but even I thought they might be ready for embalmitude. Yet their new CD is frisky as a kitty on a catnip-and-crack bender."


noun. Umbrage is being taken; someone may be chagrinned.

Related terms: harumphitude, harumphage.

Real citation: "It amuses me, though it occasionally frightens me as well, that the legions of so-called conservatives in this country read "The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States" to mean that so long as we get our war on, the president can do fuck-all what he pleases, which is precisely the sort of "strict constructionism" (as the black-is-white phraseology goes) and respect for "original intent" that makes conservativism such a respected and respectable ideology, firmly rooted as it is in the healthy soil of Nixonian harumphery."
(IOZ, "Sign on the Dotted Line," March 24, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Studies show that harumphery and fatty deposits both expand as we age."

Monday, July 03, 2006


noun. Geologically speaking, holy mother of excrement.

Real citation: "I had my first experience with a poop explosion. It wasn’t an up the backer like Christine has had to deal with, but it was pretty disgusting. It leaked out of the side of his diaper and onto his onesie and clothes. That was only the tip of the poopberg."
("Random Thoughts from a Daddy," Feb. 20, 2005, Growing Up Lucas-Mullen,

Made-up citation: "When walking my dog, I always wait a minute after a dump before tossing away that precious little plastic bag o' poop. The first crap just might be the tip of the poopberg."


noun. A useful device when swimming up shit creek with an evil cylon, droid, fembot, or toaster.

Real citation: "It's at this point that Baltar remembers that he gave her full access to the defense mainframe, and he finally begins to understand the he's up Caprica creek without a robo-paddle."
(Aaron, "Battlestar Galactica, Part 1," page 10,

Made-up citation: "Robo-paddles are already available at Target, but I dread the day when robo-puddles roam the earth."