Friday, March 31, 2006


noun. Apathy. Zen. Whatev.

Related terms: could-give-a-fuckness, couldn't-give-a-fuckness, don’t-give-a-fuckness, give-a-fuckness, I-don't-give-a-fuckness, non-give-a-fuckness.

Real citation: "So, best usage goes to Snoop Dogg for the sheer I-really-couldn't-give-a-fuckness of it, second to Green Day for being cheeky but sincere, third place goes to elderly blonde Madonna who at least gets sympathy points for getting caught up in the Dogg/Razorlight roll."
(Rowan, "Soil the Beeb," July 3, 2002, Jet Set Web Blog,

Made-up citation: "When you feel someone is heaven-on-a-biscuit, but you feel like crap-on-cracker, it's hard to project a suave aura of I-really-couldn't-give-a-fuckness."


adj. Not even slightly resembling a bird with low SAT scores and a poorly constructed nest.

Real citation: "Yes, there's plenty of non-quailtard-shaped targets to blast at. You got your cartoon riots, your winter Olympics with not enough brothers in it, your Filipino mudslide (which, despite what you might have heard, is neither a sex act NOR a dessert at TGI McScratchy's). People are even stealing prosthetic legs. Oh, and Dick Cheney shot some geezer in the fucking face!"
(CK, "About Time," Feb. 17, 2006, tubesocket,

Made-up citation: "Whether designing birthday cakes or dildoes, non-quailtard-shaped is a good way to go."

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

emotional fuckbuddy

noun. A near and dear lustbunny of a non-groiny nature.

Real citation: "I'm kind of glad McDreamy and Meredith are trying the friendship angle. They've been physical fuckbuddies and emotional fuckbuddies, but they haven't just been there with one another. It could be very telling as to where their relationship goes."
(jopatura, "2-20: "What Have I Done To Deserve This" 2006.02.26," Feb. 26, 2006, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Like saber-toothed rabbits, emotional fuckbuddies are seldom seen in the wild. But they do exist, dear readers."

buttockial region

noun. Smells like ass. Tastes like ass. It's ass.

Related terms: buttockal region.

Real citation: "Kiss my Buttockial region. Love, Rahn"

Made-up citation: "For proctologists, a deep and abiding love of the buttockial region begins in childhood."

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

stroke one's schooner

idiom.'s schooner.

Real citation: "Oh, hi! You caught me stroking my schooner."
(Stephen Colbert, March 20, 2006, The Colbert Report)

Made-up citation: "Stroking the schooner, like waxing the dolphin, is a fine naval activity."

make a naughty

idiom. Defe-fuckin'-cation, folks.

Related terms: make a no-no.

Real citation: "Yes, it is a bit much for Don Imus to have a sudden attack of Emily Post and start grouching about the political comments chestily flown at Coretta Scott King's funeral service in the presence of President Bush and his lovely wife Rita. Racial enlightment has never been a shining hallmark of the Imus show, from the verbal blackface of their Sambo caricatures of black celebrities to Sid Rosenberg's infamous dig at the Williams sisters to Imus's own use of the 'n' word, which he first denied, then admitted sheepishly, as if he had been caught making a naughty.*"
(James Wolcott, Feb. 8, 2006,

Made-up citation: "I'm planning on getting a puppy, so I'd better prepare myself--mentally and cleaning-product-wise--for the first time he makes a naughty on the carpet."

Monday, March 27, 2006


noun. Evil is so addictive. And minty.

Real citation: "Another analogy is that he's like a evilholic, he has an addiction to evil."
(Ken, Feb. 12, 2002,

Made-up citation: "Not every evildoer is an evil genius, just as not every evil genius is an evilholic. Not even every bowl of pea soup is evil, according to paleontologists at a local research university."


noun. Wah. Waaaaaaaahhh! Waah.

Real citation: "Hootie and the Blowjob drowned in their own tears after a dolphin made them cry. According to police reports, the aquatic mammal's bottlenose was mistaken for a penis and the impending "Eek eek!" scared the bejesus out of the band, setting off a deluge of boohooage. The porpoise of the sudden outburst is still unknown, but it is thought that lead vocalist Darius Rucker may have failed to cover his teeth."
(coldpizza, Feb. 6, 2006,

Made-up citation: "Did the demise of South Park's Chef or The Shield's Lemonhead cause more boohooage in your diocese, Father?"

Friday, March 24, 2006


noun. A close (possibly inbred) relative of the shitstain.

Related terms: asswipe, buttwipe, fuckwipe, shitwipe.

Real citation: "Will they kill each other? PROBABLY. And it's all because YOU can't be satisfied with a bunch of nice people talking about nice things, or TV columnists who don't use the word "dooky-wipes." YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED."
(William Steven Humphrey, "I Love TV," March 16, 2006, The Stranger,

Made-up citation: "The upcoming biography Dooky-Wipe-in-Chief: Portrait of President Short Bus will be made into a movie featuring Will Ferrell. In my dreams."


noun. Somebody got knocked up.

Real citation: "Update on various pop cultural impressions. (I'm still encountering incidences of pregitude with alarming regularity.)"
(belsum, April 4, 2005, Knocked Up,

Made-up citation: "Do the perils of pregitude outweigh the joys of childbirth? Depends how much you want some crotchfruit."

Thursday, March 23, 2006


adj. Terrifically teeming with geisha-y goodness.

Real citation: "The day my geisha arrives on my doorstep I feel, in a word, geishariffic!"
(Rock Stoeckel, "My Memoirs of a Geisha," March 9, 2006, McSweeney's,

Made-up citation: "Gazillions of geishariffic girls get government grants! Golly!"


adj. All boners are equal in the va-jay-jay of the Lord. They're all equally boneresque too.

Real citation: "Here is the boneresque Washington Monument."

Made-up citation: "Zoologists agree that the animal kingdom can be divided into boneresque and non-boneresque creatures. Naked mole rats are prominent members of the first category."

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


noun. A cardiologist's handy thingy.

Real citation: "Room of Magical Heart Patients and the Doctors Who Love Them. Denny's heart is beating too fast; they have to slow it down. Alex and Izzie attend to Denny as Burke calls out orders. He wants them to try a synchronized defribrohooziewhatsit."
(Erin Dailey, "What Have I Done to Deserve This?," page 6, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "I had heart surgery for an atrial septic defect when I was 8, but I've blocked out memories of any defribrohooziewhatsit action."


adj. Totally not deserving of having nuts chopped off.

Real citation: "I love the idea of looking at a bookstore; if you could do it in a non-stalky-creepy way"
(Pomeranian, March 15, 2001,

Made-up citation: "My mother always said, 'Non-stalky-creepy doesn't mean non-prosecutable.'"

Friday, March 17, 2006


noun. A fishmonger with feminine charms, wiles, and fish.

Real citation: “I met G while out shopping this morning, at an upmarket food emporium where he often shops (I was buying coffee beans). We chatted a while, eventually arriving at the fresh-fish counter where the fishmongerette greeted him by name. G ordered a dozen oysters.”
(Udge, “On buying oysters,” Sept. 18, 2004,

Made-up citations: "Can a fishmongerette be a vegan? Further research is needed."


noun. Conjugalicious relations with a horse, resulting in romance or death.

Related terms: cousincest, dormcest, dogcest, floorcest, horsecest, housecest, momcest, siblingcest.

Real citation: "eww, horsecest."
(Lyvianus, June 6, 2005,

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'The snorting of his horsecest was heard from Dan: the whole land trembled at the sound of the neighing of his strong ones; for they are come, and have devoured the land, and all that is in it; the city, and those that dwell therein.'"

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


noun. This involves no pole of romance--only an intrusive javelin of high-strung, uptight priggery.

Related terms: bad-buttedness, bare-buttedness, big-buttedness, blubber-buttedness, broad-buttedness, bubble-buttedness, cake-buttedness, cute-buttedness, dumb-buttedness, fat-buttedness, fuzzy-buttedness, his-royal-monkey-buttedness, iron-buttedness, kick-buttedness, large-buttedness, non-fuzzy-buttedness, pain-in-the-buttedness, pig-buttedness, pucker-buttedness, stick-up-the-buttedness, suck-buttedness, tight-buttedness, whiny-buttedness.

Real citation: "i was probably laughing as a reaction and statement about the pole-up-buttedness of the proceedings, but perhaps that's mostly knee-jerk and adolescent."
(March 30, 1998,

Made-up citation: "Though not listed in the DMS-IV, pole-up-buttedness is all too real and painful."


adj. Bedpan-y; bedpanesque; semi-bedpan-like.

Real citation: "Not really, most helmets don't have that wrap-around portion at the cheeks; that's what makes it truly look bedpanish..."
(Snake, Jan. 7, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Now it is I who have the advantage, my bedpanish friend!"

Monday, March 13, 2006

fucknut magnet

noun. Someone with a powerful and frustrating fucknut-attracting quality.

Related terms: nutjob magnet, wingnut magnet, loser magnet, asshat magnet, asshole magnet, doofus magnet, dork magnet, dumbass magnet, skank magnet, ho magnet, bad kisser magnet, neanderthal magnet.

Real citation: "Yes, I'm a fucknut magnet. (Pssst...must be pissing tilUgetLaid off again. LMFAO!)"
(Debbie, Nov. 26, 2002,

Made-up citation: "If I were a fucknut magnet, I'd have to carry a crowbar or big can of Raid at all times. I have little tolerance for fucknuttery."


noun. A mommy-murder that is soooo sub-par and probably takes place on the FX network, where dirty plastic surgeons and dirty cops frolic and play dirty reindeer games.

Real citation: "What extra-special irked me about Julia's wanna-matricide is that while yes, I do agree that in many ways, it could be an act of mercy (someone so appearance-oriented as her mum would NEVER want to live life as a krispy kritter), Julia seemed to be deciding Erica's worth in the world was totally based on her own need/non-need for her."
(kattart, "Nip/Tuck," Dec. 7, 2005, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "According to the Bible, even a wanna-matricide is a no-no."

Friday, March 10, 2006


noun. Not a real Bushism. As far as we know.

Real citation: "Touts the 'success' story of the Coast Guard’s evacuations. I suppose if you don’t consider the need for emergency evacuations themselves as a problem… Katrina: The Mother Of All Mistakertunities."
(Ana Marie Cox, "Chatology: Passing the Buck," Feb. 20, 2006, Wonkette,

Made-up citation: "Every time a mistakertunity is misunderestimated, an English teacher stabs herself with a fork."


noun. No chiropractor necessary--unless he looks cute in chaps.

Related terms: Much linguistic brokebackery can be found here.

Real citation: "As for Ken's brokebackitude, let's not forget the notorious Earring Magic Ken, designed in the early '90s based on their observations of the guys who hung out in all-night clubs in NYC. A lot of those clubs have names like 'The Manhole'."
(Townleybomb, Feb. 9, 2006, Althouse,

Made-up citation: "I don't object to the brokebackitude of Brokeback Mountain, but I won't go see it 'cause it looks like one of the most wretched and cornbally chick flicks of the millennium. Gag me with a branding iron."

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


adj. Kind of like a jackass plus an asshole minus two asses.

Related terms: jackhole, jackholish, jackholery.

Real citation: "first off, i've had a lot of inquiries as to how bad that one comment was that i deleted it on the last post. for the record, it was a spam comment with a link to who knows what, so i deleted it because i don't want people contracting viruses and accidentally getting on spam servers from my blog. no matter how jackholey ol' anon e mouse gets, i won't delete him. maybe. probably. :-)"
(Alice, "tales of farm school," August 12, 2005, Alice's Wonderland,

Made-up citation: "For the new essay section of the SAT, students will need to carefully define 'jackholey,' 'assholey,' and 'buttholey' using specific examples from their neighborhoods and gene pools."


adj. Once more with balls.

Related terms: nadtacular.

Real citation: “Why do dudes love Bruce Dickinson so much? Is it his operatic stylings? Could it be his chameleonlike ability to effortlessly change his career midstream? Or is it his Nadtastic outfits? No one knows for sure, not even Bruce!”
(Steben Wintle, Nov. 14, 2004,

Made-up citation: "If testicular cancer were renamed 'nadtastic cancer,' scientists agree that very little grooviness would be added."

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


adj. There's a lot of dating going on here, people. You might want to avert your eyes.

Real citation: "Without a doubt, Lindsay is the "date-iest" gal in Hollyweird, being romantically linked with a litany of Tinseltown royalty, including Colin Farrell, Joaquin Phoenix, Jude Law, Wilmer Valderrama, Jared Leto, Benicio del Toro, perhaps Bruce Willis, Bryan Adams, Ryan Adams, and this week? Match Point star Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who was spotted rooting around Lohan at NYC's posh Spotted Pig."
(Ann Romano, "One Day at a Time," March 2, 2006, Portland Mercury,

Made-up citation: "This is probably one of the date-iest periods of my life...though not the hot-monkey-sexiest, unfortunately."


noun. A doof who is a goddamn frackin' poser doof.

Real citation: "The pseudo-doofus writes: Fine as far as it goes. Your links page is missing one of the best, though. Start with this url, and work your way through:"

Made-up citation: "Scientists agree that pseudo-doofi are lower forms of life than doofi, though a cure has yet to be found."

Monday, March 06, 2006


adj. That means quite white, folks--chock full o' honkiness and crackerosity.

Related terms: butt boring, butt naked, butt stupid, butt lazy, butt annoying, butt horrible, butt heinous, butt awful, butt crappy, butt lousy, butt lame, butt nasty, pig-butt nasty.

Real citation: "It's pretty depressing, and will make the honkies among us deeply ashamed to be butt-white and filled with just as little understanding and just as many prejudices as Carmen and Bruno."
(Heather Havrilesky, "I Like to Watch," Feb. 26, 2006, Salon,

Made-up citation: "The newest Crayola color Butt-White is not being used to paint a masterpiece of racial harmony in elementary schools across the nation."


noun. A somewhat redundant term for a non-sharp newsdude or newsdudette.

Real citation: "Don't waste time arguing with a person this crazed. The only people who think O.J. is innocent are Paige, nine semi-retarded jurors, and newscretin Tavis Smiley."
(Yukon Cornelius, Oct. 12, 2001,

Made-up citation: "A newscretin is a special kind of cretin, just as a female naked mole rat is a special kind of naked female hottie."

Friday, March 03, 2006


noun. A raving loony of the female-ier sex.

Related terms: moonbat, moonbatter, moonbatty, non-moonbatty, moonbatish, non-moonbatish, moonbatesque, moonbattitude, moonbattery, moonbattage, moonbatosity, moonbatism, moonbatterism.

Real citation: "His wife is CONTEMPLATING divorce? Just thinking about divorce? Well, I suppose it doesn't matter, because if she does divorce him there are plenty of stupid women out there. And I bet you some sicko moonbatette will read about it in the papers and think..."Hmmm. So he's single again?" And write to him in prison."
(mollywog, June 28, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Batwomen, dingbats, and moonbatettes have their charms. Especially if you're Batman or a batshit-nutty whackjob."


adj. Fantastically, spectacularly fucking whatever.

Real citation: “i wouldve said fanfuckingtacular animation, mediocre song.”
(inhauntedattics, Feb, 9, 2005,

Made-up citation: "The most fanfuckingtacular show I've gotten into lately is The Shield, and I don't even like cop shows. But I guess I like dirty cop shows, because this shit is as addictive as the crack the main characters plant on suspects."


noun. The arduous stank-removing process.

Real citation: "I wasn't paying attention while showering this morning, and I soaped before I shampooed! I can't even remember violating this routine; I'm pretty sure I've maintained it since I started showers instead of baths. The world is going to end. Tags: destankification, eschatology, me"
(ultranurd, Dec. 17, 2005, The Den of Nurdage,

Made-up citation: "There's a fine line between destankification and deskankification, according to the Bible."