Friday, July 29, 2005

sweet holy mother of my neighbor’s cat

exclamation. A sweeter, holier, mother-ier, neighborlier, cattier version of "holy shit!"

Related terms: sweet holy mother of a rabid squirrel’s acorn, sweet holy mother of all graces, sweet holy mother of all that is good and sacred, sweet holy mother of all that is pure, sweet holy mother of all things holy, sweet holy mother of Allah/Jesus, sweet holy mother of BLAM!, sweet holy mother of blasphemous invectives, sweet holy mother of bleeding Jesus, sweet holy mother of Bob, sweet holy mother of bunnies, sweet holy mother of chocolate cake, sweet holy mother of Christ, sweet holy mother of disgust, sweet holy mother of Divine Jesus, sweet holy mother of dog, sweet holy mother of friggin’ mercy, sweet holy mother of fucking shit, sweet holy mother of fug, sweet holy mother of ganja, sweet holy mother of Gawd, sweet holy mother of George, sweet holy mother of God in velvet trousers, sweet holy mother of goodness, sweet holy mother of jeebus, sweet holy mother of Leo Fender, sweet holy mother of merciful God almighty, sweet holy mother of mercy, sweet holy mother of Moses, sweet holy mother of muck, sweet holy mother of peaches, sweet holy mother of pearl, sweet holy mother of Plame, sweet holy mother of Saint Francis of Assisi, sweet holy mother of Satan, sweet holy mother of spork, sweet holy mother of the force, sweet holy mother of the hills.

Real citation: "we have ignore lists on this thing? Sweet holy mother of my neighbours cat! I think I'll go read the faq & such for a change and maybe fiddle around a bit with my cp..."
(Abbadon, Jan. 29, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Sweet holy mother of my neighbor’s that genetic?"


adj. A new flavor of Doritos?

Real citation: "This must be some new meaning of "nascent democracies" that I hadn't previously been familiar with. One of those 'nascent democracies' is mostly run by warlords, and produces 75% of the world's opium supply. The other is nominally run by a Saddam-lite-style strongman (see DeLong's post entitled *SIGH*) but effective control of much of the land resides in local militias, and many of those localities are essentially Islamic dictatorships."
(RT, Aug. 9, 2004,

Made-up citation: "A Saddam-lite-style mustache and cavernous ass cleavage are very in this year, very now."

Thursday, July 28, 2005


exclamation. An ejaculation with approximately twice the spit, vinegar, shit, and feathers as "shitbirds!"

Real citation: "Double-shitbirds."
(rekkidbraka, "Grey's Anatomy," June 27, 2005, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "Double-shitbirds! After watching March of the Penguins, I'm glad to not be a flightless waterfowl, no matter how cute and well-dressed they may be."


noun. Pervage; pervosity; perviliciousness.

Real citation: "Rufus, my lover and best pal, has some new friends at his house: Scorch the Beanie Baby dragon, Reptar, and urfus the rubber rat. I'm sure they will blossom in pervertitude under his care."
(Fnord Prefect Fnord, Sept. 2, 1999,

Made-up citation: "Doris deplores dicksmackitude, and Betty begats buttmunchitude, but Pauline prefers pervertitude."

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


noun. A keen, zombie-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, hickdar, loserdar, boob-dar, penis-dar, big dick-dar, hair-dar, porn-dar, sex-dar, food-dar, sleep-dar, money-dar, ho-dar, slut-dar, babe-dar, virgin-dar, jailbaitdar, hottie-dar, weirdo-dar, jerk-dar, moron-dar, dorkdar, skankdar, freak-dar, ass-dar, asshole-dar, Pretentious Club-going New York Assholedar, "someone is staring at my ass"-dar, “Jesus Freak” dar.

Real citation: "With her intense "Zombie-Dar," our wrangler searches out these un-deadly women who roam the night."

Made-up citation: "My zombie-dar and trusty chainsaw have gotten me and my pubescent, scantily-clad friends through many a secluded cabin in the woods."


adj. This describes a yum-yum that tastes like the poo-poo of a bow-wow.

Real citation: "It took us a half hour - I shit you not - to get this dog out of the backseat. He was nice, never growled or barked, but he was also stubborn ("I shall not be moved!"). He was just, I guess, happy sitting there in the back of our Buick. Eventually he just got bored and left. My mom and I got back in the car and pondered the destruction of so many innocent cupcakes. Really, she pondered. I just worried what the hell all the kids were going to think of me and my crushed dog-ass flavored cupcakes. I mean, how ghetto is that? We saved the vast majority and it didn't hurt that my mom had made extras. The ones that were superficially destroyed? My carpool buddies volunteered to take those."
(Chris, "Cupcakes!" April 27, 2004,

Made-up citation: "Dog-ass-flavored is in the cake-hole of the beholder."

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

tingly areas

noun. The groin; the loins; the crotch; the nether regions; the special place.

Related terms: tingly parts.

Real citation: "However, because of this brittleness and humorlessness and other nesses, they are also fun to tease. One of my favorites, after someone has gone on and on about chess, then looks to me for approval that, yes, they do play chess and that gets me all sweaty in the tingly areas as well as ashamed to show my face in their glorious presence, is to say, 'I know how the horsey moves.'"
(July 19, 2004,

Made-up citation: “As the Bible said, ‘Gird up thy tingly areas, and take my staff in thy hand, and go thy way. A firm tug or two wouldn’t hurt either.’”


adj. A little like a stooge, a goon, a toady, a lackey, or a lickspittle.

Real citation: "The animation was very clean, smooth and in proportion. The animators got Batgirl looking right and Barbara just as nice as opposed to the freakish deformities in Shadow of the Bat. There was very nice shading used as well, especially in the Stacked Deck Club. The addition of a henchman-ish thug, The Chemist, was interesting. He would be someone useful in the future to help out a major league villain."
("Batgirl Returns,"

Made-up citation: “Henchman-ish Homemade Hemp would be a dank, swank name for some Ben & Jerry’s.”

Monday, July 25, 2005


noun. Clusterfuck.

Related terms: motherfornicator, rat fornication, fornicate the canine, clusterplook, clusterboink, clusterscrew, clusterfreak, clusterfunk, clusterfrig, clusterfrick, clusterfug, clusterfrell, clusterfudge.

Real citation: "Big clusterfornicate. Match was there. ** ½."
(Dave "Boffo" Hines," Bo and Bob's Wrestling Extravaganza,

Made-up citation: "Kate and her mate hate a clusterfornicate, but Mike and his bike like liquefied chicken manure very much."


adj. Mentally wacky, deranged, or cuckoo, maybe with a liberal tinge to match the conservative “moonbatty,” which is often accompanied by barking.

Real citation: "to give whiny, loonbatty, and otherwise obstructionist minded democrats a big head start digging up irrelevant but sound-bite worthy slime on potential appointment nominees"
(Wind Rider, June 24, 2005,

Made-up citation: “Not all batty people are loonbatty, just as not all ratfuckers are rats.”

Friday, July 22, 2005


noun. An unfolding scandal that involves no literal shits, flowers, or shitty flowers at all.

Real citation: "If your local media hasn’t been reporting on traitor-gate or whatever we’re calling this (turd-blossom-gate?), or has been unfairly slanting this in favor of the Republicans, I’ve got another action item for you:"
(Newsie, "Get them on the record! What do Republicans think of Rove-gate?," July 13, 2005, Penndit,

Made-up citation: "So far, Turd-Blossom-gate has not inspired as many limericks as Monicagate, much to the chagrin of literature students everywhere."

get all Catholic

verb phrase. Become decidedly molestolicious in a "hide the young boys! quick!" kinda way.

Real citation: "Despite rumors to the contrary, the film avoided an R rating without going under the knife. 'Somehow or another we got our PG-13,' says Linklater. 'I feel we got lucky there. They worry about kids with anything—kids touching alcohol or referring to genitalia. On some of the stuff, I shot alternatives. Like when the one kid says, 'I'm going to tell someone you touched my pecker,' in another shot we had him say, 'I'm going to tell 'em you got all Catholic on my privates.'"
(John Anderson, "Thornton Wilde" July 19, 2005, The Village Voice,,fanderson,65998,20.html)

Made-up citation: "In an age when a metric truckload of priestly persons have been busted for going all Catholic on the cornholes of kids, only the Catholic faith and my bucket of grain alcohol get me through the night."


noun. A heady, dorky form of dumbassitude.

Related terms: assheadedness, buttheadedness, crapheadedness, dickheadedness, dumbheadedness, fuckheadedness, lightheadedness, lunkheadedness, meatheadedness, pinheadedness, poopheadedness, prickheadedness, shitheadedness, shrunken-headedness.

Real citation: "It ended with the three ships. (Interesting how they didn’t show the 1701-E, perhaps because the design wasn’t really beloved; it owes too much to the Voyager-class shoehorn look, and the notch on the nacelles looks distinctly unFederation-like. And yes, I just crossed over into the land of unredeemable dorkheadedness, but I’m past caring.)"

Made-up citation: "Where there is dorkheadedness, there is hope. Or more likely, schmucks."

Friday, July 15, 2005


noun. That magical creature that girls, women, amazons, goddesses, and smurfettes drain when they pee.

Real citation: "After draining my girl-lizard in the very clean Brooks Brothers bathroom, we left and headed to Grand Central Station."
(Rev. Jen Miller, "I Did It for Science, Experiment: How to Marry a Millionaire," Nerve,

Made-up citation: "In med school, I learned that correlation does not imply causation, fembots don’t have girl-lizards, and there’s a big difference between a hermaphrodude and a humanzee.”


adj. Ew. Just ew. And may I add, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Related terms: squalorish, squalory, squalor-like.

Real citation: "So now, we have three cats and one dog in our tiny one-bedroom apartment! Well, it's only temporarily squaloriffic. We'll soon find a house that we like (and more importantly, that meets the needs of the pets!) and move everyone in."
(argotnaut, "Cat Mauler Foiled!" Feb. 6, 2004,

Made-up citation: “Since rats compulsively clean themselves, it’s quite possible my pet rats could be the least squaloriffic objects or entities in my apartment.”

Thursday, July 14, 2005

get one's bibles in a knot

idiom. When sphincters clench in a most holy fashion, this expression is recommended, though not endorsed by any church.

Real citation: "A Jesus-freaky group known as "The Resistance" have their Bibles in a knot over Jessica Simpson's "slutty" performance in her music video remake of "These Boots are Made for Walking." Simpson is seen wearing the devil's hot pants, as well as washing the devil's hot rod while wearing the devil's skimpy bikini--which makes Resistance rep John Conner hotter than Hades. "It's sad to see [Jessica] whore herself out like this. She's a singing stripper!" Now hold on there, John! Who ever said she could sing?"
(Ann Romano, "The Week in Review," June 27, 2005, The Portland Mercury,

Made-up citation: “I’ve never gotten my knickers in a twist, and I’ve never gotten my bibles in a knot, and I’ve rarely gotten my panties in a bundle. However, I frequently get my thong in a bunch.”


noun. Redemption. Sweet yummy redemption.

Real citation: "Stuff up #2: Ah here is our chance for redeemage, 500 odd people in the main Michael Fowler Auditorium. We get our ten seconds to hood on and plug in with thanks to Issac from Gravity Productions for help with my bass mix."

Made-up citation: “If a man seeketh redeemage after having committed a sin, without doubt he is purged of all his sins and looketh pure and resplendent like a turd in the moonlight.”

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


adj. A little bit mechanical, a little bit wacknutty.

Real citation: "This is basically, either my character Dream gone postalish-bionic or some other character, hence the name doesnt have a character name! Wowies"
(Sept. 25, 2002,

Made-up citation: "Even a postalish-bionic supermonkey with a terrible vengeance to mete out can take the time to send a thank you note to his Aunt."


adj. Tarred with the brush of the love that dare not speak its name or suck its toe!

Real citation: "Even though I couldn't care less about the SVR now, I kinda miss S1 SVR. Back then, it was so forbidden-love-y, which is actually interesting... I miss Syd and Dixon going on missions together. I want Joey Slotnik (Haladki) to be non-dead. He was so great."
(cjgurl427, "Season One: Run Lola Lite RUN," July 3, 2004, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "The forbidden-love-y aspects of romance with a squirrel do not always outweigh the practical considerations, such as the issue aficionados warmly refer to as 'the bursting factor.'"

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


noun. This indicates either a Code Orange plumber's crack situation or just any crappy state of affairs that has been colorfully described.

Related terms: smoking-crackitude.

Real citation: "Edited to add: My apologies for the quality of the photo. My digicam is the height of asscrackitude but I can't afford to buy a better one. So you'll just all have to suffer along with me."
("My Skanky Fridge is My Altar," Feb. 23, 2004)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Dudes with asscrackitude are rude, but hos with golf pros are discerning young professionals.'"


noun. The essence of what-the-fuck-provoking goodness.

Related terms: WTF-itude, WTF-age, WTF-ery.

Real citation: "Elsewhere in the baffling sphere of backwards-thinking, there's this bit of WTF-osity from the increasingly not-so-venerable Time Magazine:"
(randomdanglingmystery, April 19, 2005,

Made-up citation: "Studies show that the average person will tolerate different levels of WTF-osity in a stud muffin, a senator, a news anchor, and a squirrel."

Monday, July 11, 2005

non-Depends demographic

noun. Young’uns who have graduated from the first diaperiffic phase of life but not yet ascended to phase two of pants-oriented poo poo.

Real citation: "Of course, Charlie Gibson has two daughters. Which probably doubled the number of evening-news viewers in the non-Depends demographic."
("More 25-to-54-Year-Old Americans Get Their News From ABC News," Gawker,

Made-up citation: “I’m looking for a non-dreckful, non-schmuckish, non-basics-neglecting, non-autoerotic-asphyxiating hermaphrodude in the non-Depends demographic. Good family values are a plus too.”


adj. Dubiously old-coot-ish.

Real citation: "Now I have heard Freeman’s voice recently in other films and I know he has not gotten as gravely as he is in this film. He even narrates the whole film with his pseudo-codgery vocals and it becomes incredibly frustrating to listen to. It sounds almost like when a very sick person rambles on about something, when you only called to check up on them."
(Sarah Bonilla, "Million Dollar Baby,"

Made-up citation: “Pseudo-codgery behavior isn’t exactly an epidemic, maybe because old people are close to death. Back to you, Joan!”

Friday, July 08, 2005

microscopic American

noun. Embryo.

Related terms: undead American, reanimated American.

Real citation: "Most people who believe that embryos can be adopted, even symbolically, believe that embryos are children, or even, in the words of one conservative columnist writing in favor of embryo adoption, "microscopic Americans." And, the logic follows, if embryos are mini-children, they shouldn't be mined for stem cells -- which they can't be anyway, given the limits President Bush imposed in 2001-- or lost to abortion."
(Lynn Harris, "Clump of cells or 'microscopic American'?", Salon,

Made-up citation: “Microscopic Americans have needs and rights. They’re also very cute and squishy. And they taste great with mustard.”


adj. Very deserving of a cooking utensil with a wide flat blade which is not sharp, used especially for lifting food out of pans.

Related terms: clone-worthy, bone-worthy, groan-worthy, yawn-worthy, barf-worthy, spew-worthy, spooge-worthy, schlong-worthy, gong-worthy, thong-worthy, hump-worthy, bonk-worthy, boink-worthy, lust-worthy, drool-worthy, stalker-worthy, meh-worthy, gah-worthy, ew-worthy, spanking-worthy, sponge-bath-worthy, tongue-bath-worthy, poodle-worthy.

Real citation: "Who writes stories ‘til three in the morning then gets up four hours later to write another one? Chris Tait does, he does. He wrote four spatula-worthy stories. A very honourable mention to a proofreading until Thursday Ben Hoffman. "
(University of Calgary Gauntlet,

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Oh let the spatula of the spatula-worthy come to an end, but establish the righteous; their minds and hearts are fried in a skillet by the righteous God.'"

Thursday, July 07, 2005


adj. Scary. Deathly. Gray. Pale. Leper-y. Zombie-like. Gruesome-ish. Ew.

Real citation: "At the Pier, Rebecca enjoys the feeling of the sun on her recently-released-from-the-crypt face, and says that she can't believe "Sandy Cohen" is living in Newport. "
(Jessica, "The Second Chance," page 3, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: "'Recently-released-from-the-crypt isn't an adjective I want to see on my shampoo bottle, cereal box, or medical file."


adj. USA! USA!

Real citation: "38. Toby Keith
Crimes: The worst kind of proud-to-be-brainwashed dolt, one who feels he should express himself. The fact that this ambulatory hamburger’s opinions were ever given public forum is an indictment of our entire civilization and all human history leading up to this point."
("The Beast 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004," The Beast,

Made-up citation: "Maybe I'm just another proud-to-be-brainwashed lout, but Sam Adams beer really does make me feel patriotic. And a little lightheaded."

Wednesday, July 06, 2005


noun. Mr. Crotch, meet Mr. Knee.

Real citation: "That’s how I’ve felt for the past couple of weeks, toward a number of my sisters and brothers in Christ: I’ve wanted to commit slappage. Not only slappage, but in some cases knee-in-groinage. Hurtage."
(Slappage," March 4, 2005, LutheranChik's "L" Word Diary,

Made-up citation: “Was it William Wordsworth who rhymed ‘knee-in-groinage’ with ‘see my loinage?' Actually, I think it was Emily Dickinson.”


noun. A metric buttload of fungal mycelium and fructifications on the surface of Zeus knows what.

Real citation: "Thought I'd pass along some fun and perhaps encouraging news. Portland, as I'm sure you ALL know is not only the Rose City and the home of mega-mildew and banana slugs, but it is also the reknowned microbrew capital of the continental USA."
(Marcia Sinclair, June 24, 1996,

Made-up citation: “My mildew-dar is not as strong as it could be, but even I am appalled and chagrinned by this mega-mildew and the advanced civilization it has brought forth in your bathtub.”

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


verb. Clusterfuck.

Related terms: roto-plooker.

Real citation: "dermal patches with organic lasers downloading synaptic activity into a mix-masters arbitration nets, with team drumpads controlling the swapping in and out of successive net-sets. The vocals will be megabytes of Metlay flame-bait reamed through Cata-Stroph wetware hosted by methadrine sopping sea slugs as they clusterplook."

Made-up citation: "Let us thank Frank Zappa for coining the word 'plook," and let us strive to use words like 'clusterplook,' 'ratplook,' and 'motherplooker' with our children and associates."

baby boomerbasherism

noun. Take baby boomer. Add bludgeoning. Season with pistol-whipping. Finish off with mockery, emasculation, and spittle.

Real citation: "Blatant Baby Boomerbasherism"
(Roy, June 25, 2005, epiphomatic machinations,

Made-up citation: “Polls show that baby boomerbasherism is just the kind of infanticide that all Americans can rally around--and the whole family can enjoy."

Monday, July 04, 2005


noun. A keen, wingnut-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, loserdar, jailbaitdar, moron-dar, sexual-geniusdar, "someone is staring at my ass"-dar, weirdo-dar.

Real citation: "Oh yeah… I missed Schmidt BIG TIME! That was one ugly swing.
For some reason I could just not see her winning. I guess I need to adjust my wingnutdar"
(Ohio 2nd, June 15, 2005,

Made-up citation: “Given the ever-lowering sanity level of a country where most people believe in angels and the President, I have had my wingnutdar surgically removed to stop the migraines.”


adj. In no way nunny, nunly, or nunilicious. Not even a little!

Real citation: "Well said, my non-nunny friend!"
(Docs, Aug. 28, 2000,

Made-up citation: “As the Bible says, ‘Non-nunny doesn’t mean non-nummy.’ Oh wait, that was Cooking for Cannibals at Christmas. Carry on then."

Friday, July 01, 2005


noun. A joyous, spasmodic, spermatic, or cliterrific outburst of witty, refreshing sarcasm.

Related terms: spasmgasm, ectoplasmgasm.

Real citation: "Sorry :( had a sarcasmgasm."
(James Hicks, Feb. 1, 2005,

Made-up citation: "I don't even know how to think about the President without having a sarcasmgasm. This was a bad decade to give up smoking crack."


noun. Ew. And ick. And yikes. And ew.

Related terms: bum-shaggery, corpse shaggery, extramarital shaggery, post-shaggery, rock-star-shaggery, sheep-shaggery.

Real citation: "Highlights are the epic-sounding, Turkish-flavoured Mynd Mewn Cylchoedd, the darkly oppressive Pwy S'isio Bod Yn Fawr?, and the spitting, bilingual Cymraeg - Inglish. At his worst, however, as on the nursery rhyme chipmunk-shaggery of Un Bys Yn Bawd, he veers perilously close to being irritating."
(Joe Goodden, "Blaen Troedar," Jan. 19, 2004,

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the rectory. And if you can't keep it in the rectory, try chipmunk-shaggery.'"