Thursday, June 30, 2005


adj. Kinda sorta mentally wacky.

Real citation: "actually, i think i'd have preferred the bonkers'ish angle of the Joan character; in that the writer's COULD have easily pulled a 'Sixth Sense' scenario where God would appear to be present in very physical ways, even in public, but with the 'possibilty' that the God character(s) only exists in Joan's mind."

Made-up citation: “The bonkers-ish gleam in my eye after drinking six cups of coffee will not be featured in a Dunkin’ Donuts commercial this millennium.”


present participle. Let’s just say it’s way past harvest time and leave it at that.

Real citation: "The allure grew once the band began touring, and fans bred on ear-hair-farming schlubs were met by bright-eyed boys with Close-Up smiles and patricion cheekbones who seemed to have wandered into the underground after a track meet."
(Jon Folan, page 66, Spin, July 2005)

Made-up citation: “I come from a long line of proud, decent, God-fearing, bunny-strangling, homemade-cross-toting, ear-hair-farming molemen.”

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

step in a pile of moron

idiom. This is what happens when you end up mired in conversation with one or several shit-for-brains--especially those who are so dumb, they got shot in a knife fight.

Real citation: "Suddenly she spies Jess coming toward them. Marissa needs to say nothing except "Hey, Jess," but she already popped a brain cell trying to remember what band they're even there to see, and so blanks on what to say. She makes Summer initiate conversation. "Oh my God, Jess, remember me?" Summer gushes, hugging her and reminiscing about their old tap and jazz days. She then does a cute little tap move. Marissa has sufficiently recovered long enough to offer this clever rejoinder: "Don't mind my friend. She's really...really stoned." Summer shoots her a glare, then recovers a split-second later -- great timing by Rachel Bilson -- and drawls, "Tooootally. Very, very high. Isn't this place, like, so visual?" Jess looks like she's stepped in a pile of moron."
(Heathen, "The O.C. Confidential," page 8, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “You can’t step in the same river twice, and you can’t walk three feet in this country without stepping in a steaming, staggering pile of moron. God bless America.”


noun. New York City.

Real citation: "Is NYC still evil enough for the Church of Satan? Whither Hades-on-the-Hudson?"
(James Knipfel, "Alas, Babylon," New York Press,

Made-up citation: “In Hades-on-the-Hudson, a hellhound humped my hip and gave me a hummer. Holy hand grenades!”

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


noun. A female zombie.

Related terms: zombiette.

Real citation: "I'm the resident zombie-ess around here, keeper of the one and only Miss Tealinne Demsey, drunken beggar and source of much annoyance. One Vladimir Keirkegaarde Gently also happens to belong to me- well, not so much BELONG. He comes and he goes. Often."
(Linny, Sept. 8, 2004,

Made-up citation: “Don’t let your girls grow up to be zombie-esses, because you’ll have to chop off their heads, and that would put a damper on the summer.”


noun. A female buffoon.

Related terms: doofusette, dorkette, jerkette, schlubette, schmuckette, turdette, weirdette.

Real citation: "Sputter, sputter; more teleprompter-styled replies. “I’ll pick it up,” I interjected. I could see this discussion degenerating quickly. While Shelby had every right to be mad, I sensed this buffoonette of a Manager was just ticking her off more."
(Lachlan, Nov. 14, 2004, "Victory And Grendadine Showers,"

Made-up citation: “Hmm, I haven’t known many buffoonettes. Could buffoonery be a mainly male quality, like autism and warmongering?”

Monday, June 27, 2005


noun. Quasi-fuckage; semi-intercourse; not-quite-fornication.

Real citation:
H-"So, nothing happened?"
C-"Not really."
H-"Didja boink her?"
H-"Any pseudo-boinkage?"

Made-up citation: “True boinkage results in a notch on the bedpost, but after pseudo-boinkage, the bedpost remains sadly unnotched, unstained, unmolested, and unphunked.”


noun. A gross, freaky, ishy, disturbing state of affairs that is also sick, bad, wrong, and not of the Lord.

Related terms: squickage, squickery, squickitude.

Real citation: "Sorry--this is supposed to be the back-story to the Star Wars movies. Obi-wan Kenobi was DV's teacher and (after some kind of epic struggle) dumped him into a volcano. Only the power of the Dark side of the Force is keeping him alive, but he still needs the breathing apparatus. If I recall correctly, there is a brief shot of him putting the helmet on in one of the movies, with a glimpse of some serious squickosity."
(Manny Olds, Dec. 18, 1995,

Made-up citation: “Ah…I remember the glimpse of DV’s head as more orgasmitude than squickosity. For the true squick experience, a glimpse of Natalie Portman’s acting is all that is required.”

Friday, June 24, 2005

good holy Jesus in a jumpsuit

exclamation. A goodier, holier, Jesus-ier version of “Holy shit!”

Related terms: sweet Mother Mary on a motorboat, holy shit on a stick, holy crispy crap on a cracker, sweet merciful Buddha on a crutch, holy freakin' Christ in a Christmas tree, Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick.

Real citation: "But on an entirely different note: Good holy Jesus in a jumpsuit! Alias for the first time... SUCKED."
(Kelly, "4 more days until the weekend!!!," Jan. 19, 2004,

Made-up citation: “Good holy Jesus in a jumpsuit! Take it easy with the Jesus juice, Mom!”


noun. Literal or metaphorical testicular vacuum-like love.

Related terms: suckitude, non-suckitude, ass-suckitude, Fortress of Suckitude.

Real citation: "We were supposed to play a basement with this band but had to cancel. My girlfriend's band played and said they sucked the balls. Then she played with them again......and held firm on the ball-suckitude stance."
(July 5, 2004,

Made-up citation: “I was pleased that the last Star Wars movie didn’t suck donkey balls. The ball-suckitude was only at the level of a squirrel. Or maybe a wombat.”

Thursday, June 23, 2005


noun. An asshatted situation that physics cannot explain.

Related terms: action-adventure-thug-style-kick-assery, assery, bad-assery, broke-assery, cat-assery, dick-assery, drag-assery, dumb-assery, fat-assery, fractional-assery, half-assery, hard-assery, head-up-the-assery, head-up-your-assery, horse-assery, jack-assery, kick-assery, kiss-assery, naked-assery, one-sixth-assery, pompous-assery, pro-smart-assery, punk-assery, self-assery-making, show-assery, silly-assery, slack-assery, smart-assery, suck-assery, whoop-assery, wise-assery.

Real citation: “As Wilco's current album Yankee Hotel Foxtrot continues to stir up debate between music fans in general and consternation from their own die-hard fanbase in particular, fans interested in quality roots pop have no further to look than Gingersol's newest. As equally pop-crafty as Summerteeth with none of the apparent (according to some of Wilco's former fans) disappear-up-your-own-assery of YHF, Gingersol keeps their roots rock, rural groundings intact while adding just enough pop to please fans of sugar-coated melodies but not frighten away the twang bangers."
(Scott Homewood, “Gingersol,”

Made-up citation: “My nunly Catholic grammar school grammar teachers never taught me words like ‘disappear-up-your-own-assery’ and ‘pigboinker.’ Of course, I never got cornholed either, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.”


adj. Original and ineffectual, or primitive and foolish, or ancestral and contemptible. Or, you know, all of the above.

Real citation: "At a time when eighties hardcore was become more and more brutally loutish, these bands were utterly refreshing. They managed to sound childlike, singing about sweets, hot chocolate, while also communicating intense sexual tension and energy. Album art featured hand-drawn images of bunnies and kitties. And unlike poor old Johnnie Ray and Jonathan Richman, they weren't alone. They had a tight-knit community of like-minded wimps to battle against the growing popularity of proto-mook rock like Alice in Chains."
(Fester, "What is Wimp Pop?" Dec. 29, 2001,

Made-up citation: “I resent my actions and hairstyle being characterized as ‘proto-mook.’ I am 'quasi-mook' at the most, thank you.”

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


adj. Ooh-la-la-la-la!

Real citation: "LOL! Ya know, if I was stoned, you'd be looking pretty 'hubba hubba'-ish right now. Which would be reason numero uno why I don't get high anymore. OK, maybe reason number two."
(Be4U, Aug 30, 2002,

Made-up citation: “Any workplace with a dearth of hubba-hubba-ish employees is bad for me, bad for you, and bad for America. There should be a quota. Let’s spread the pretty around, like warm and delicious pudding.”

Operation Fucking Disaster

noun. This is either the state of my life or the war in Iraq.

Real citation: "12. Paul Wolfowitz
Crimes: The mastermind behind our war plan in Iraq, also known as “Operation Fucking Disaster.” Wanted to skip Afghanistan altogether and get right on with the intractable quagmire phase of his anti-terror plan. So far up Israel’s ass he can taste the kugel."
("The Beast 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004,

Made-up citation: “Commander Cuckoo-Bananas led us into Operation Fucking Disaster. I don’t know what else to say.”

Tuesday, June 21, 2005


noun. Lunacy. Insanity. Madness. Goats and monkeys!

Related terms: batshit loonball, batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit nutty, batshit nuts, batshit insane, batshit-demented, super-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit fucking crazy, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshitty, batshitting, batshittery, batshitosity, batshit fearlessness, batshit-sounding, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, full-bore batshit, wall-banging batshit, buggier than batshit, holy batshit, batcrap, batpoop.

Real citation: "And this is the really amazing part. Not one of the artd-l readers jumped on this to let Axel, who Doesn't Listen to Laura's Show Anymore, that this study has been a major piece of Laura's batshittedness of late (I know, I try to avoid profanity, but I'm quoting an earlier post by Axel, so it's a literary reference, ya know?)"
(Maddi Hausmann Sojourner, August 18, 1999,

Made-up citation: “I find faith-based batshittedness harder to swallow than a pea soup and ectoplasm smoothie.”


adj. Motherly and suburbanly, all in one barf-worthy package.

Real citation: "Yeah, so anyway, Sark's speeding around listening to Looziana hippie music. Syd makes an appearance, speeding up next to him in her humongous 4x4. The hell? Sark gets a zippy little Mercedes convertible with a quadraphonic Blaupunkt, and Syd gets a mom-burban car complete with kiddie seats? She can't have a fucking Infiniti or something?"
(Erin, "The Passage, Part One," page 1, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “On Mother’s Day, many merry mom-burban motherfuckers make meatloaf and macaroni marvelously. Mmm…mildew.”

Monday, June 20, 2005


adj. In the key of molten, monkey-fied, mega-matrimonial-mambo magic.

Related terms: crazy monkey sex, hot monkey love, red-hot monkey love, hot throbbing monkey love, butt-naked hot monkey love, hot sweet monkey love, hot sweaty monkey sex, hot buttered monkey love, wild screaming monkey sex.

Real citation: "We have NEVER found that situation on a swingers board, you are looking for love (hot monkey sex type love) in all the wrong places"

Made-up citation: "According to a recent study, even hot monkeys can't count on hot-monkey-sex-type action every day. This is bad news for the non-hottie weed monkeys, prank monkeys, cuddle monkeys, surrender monkeys, and squirrel monkeys of the world."


present participle. The most joyous flagellation possible! Great for parties! Yippee and hand me a stick!

Real citation: "The first anniversary of the death of Ronald Reagan has just passed, and for some inexplicable reason, an angry mob did not descend on his Simi Valley grave, dig up his corpse, drag it from the back of a Prius, string it up legs-first from an oak tree and thrash it with golf clubs and weedeaters until nothing remained but a dusty clump of hair. Comparisons would surely have been made to the cathartic pinata-flogging of Mussolini's carcass exactly 60 years earlier, not just because the two spectacles looked so similar, but because necro-lynching Reagan would do a lot to restore the dignity of most Americans."
(Mark Ames, "Dry Humping Reagan," The New York Press,

Made-up citation: "The sun is beaming, and the birds are tweeting. Love is in the air, and I'm giddy as a schoolgirl on crack. What a day for a picnic and pinata-flogging."

Friday, June 17, 2005


noun. The kind of love that happens when there are no limits. Oh yeah, a corpse helps too.

Real citation: "The Sith removed the unconscious body, rolling her off to the side of the bed. As aroused as he was, he was not going to pull a Necro boink worthy of Maul."
(Chatnoir and Meche, "The Deal--Hoth,"

Made-up citation: "I believe in order and discipline. In my house, there will be no running, fighting, spitting, playing of loud music, necro-boinking, or slouching."


noun. A metric smurfload (or maybe even as much as a metric buttload) of over-the-top-type behavior.

Related terms: over-the-top-ness, over-the-top-itude.

Real citation: "(much over-the-top-ery deleted)"

Made-up citation: "Fred's ceaseless and annoying over-the-top-ery inspired disgust, revulsion, hatred, and eventually a well-placed ax."

Thursday, June 16, 2005

free-range cretins

noun. Morons! On the loose!

Real citation: "Following a season of warm, sunny days, Arcata's weather synchronized with the sudden plummet in the national mood as a coarse, wind-whipped drizzle pelted a gloomy downtown. At Ninth and H, two travelers were rounded up on probation violation charges and a warrant. As officers tucked the two into a cruiser, free-range cretins circled, jabbering vile abuse at the cops."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Pooches howl, drinkers froth, saggies scuttle, slumpers sloth," The Arcata Eye,

Made-up citation: “Free-range chickens and free-range cretins both have small brains and limited futures, but the birds are cuter and far more versatile on the menu.”


adj. Frosted with a just-in-time-for-summer coating of doo doo--courtesy of a fine, feathered, fecal friend.

Real citation: "I also scrubbed down the black metal table and chairs that Ken's mom gave us for the back porch, so now they're useable, rather than being bird-poo-encrusted. I keep telling myself I'll sit out there with the laptop and work, and now I have no excuse. Unless it gets really hot or rains."
(Dayle, "Rejections, acceptances, and closeness," Feb. 9, 2003,

Made-up citation: “In some cultures, having a bird-poo-encrusted head is considered good luck. To the rest of us, it’s just ishy, gross, dirty, wrong, and it sucks.”

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


adj. This describes a hypothetical and probably EVIL thing or state of affairs that does not revolve around the grand schlonghood of the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-dribbling penis! USA! USA!

Related terms: non-penis-related, non-penis-shaped, non-penis-inspired, non-penis-laden, non-penis-owning, non-penis-carrying, non-penis-oriented, non-penis-enhanced, non-penis-equipped, non-penis-like, non-penis-looking, non-penis-only, non-penis-extending, non-penis-challenged, non-penis-mutilating, non-penis-haver, non-penis-bearer, non-penis-owner, non-penis-worshipper, non-penis persuasion, non-penis person, non-penis-enlargement-kind, non-penis-inserting-activity, non-penis-homophobic-snitch.

Real citation: "I'd be grateful if you could post any results to the forum. Although this product isn't something that I find particularly appealing, I think that it may have benefits in opening the male body to non penis-centric orgasms."
(May 6, 2002,

Made-up citation: “Is the opposite of ‘cock rock’ ‘non-penis-centric ambient sounds’?”


adj. Done with one hand on the Bible and one brain in a jar.

Real citation: "Dear Aunt Martha,
What's your favorite Bible verse?
Bible-believingly yours,Victory (in Jesus!)"

Made-up citation: “As the well-dressed stranger creepily and bible-believingly smiled at me, I regretted lending my chainsaw AND scythe to Melinda for the weekend.”

Tuesday, June 14, 2005


adj. Vaguely or undeniably resembling a conjugalicious bit of telecommunications.

Related terms: booty-call-like, booty-call-esque, booty-call-related.

Real citation: "He's so sweet. He's attentive. He always wants to see me, no matter what time it is. He talks and talks on the phone. He's a communicator! The night I got back from Arizona, I came home, got dressed and went out again, but still he wanted to meet up with me after I was done. Yes, that may sound booty call-ish, but I've known him for a little over a year, and he's never tried anything."
(Desiree, May 31, 2005, Dog Ladies World,

Made-up citation: “As my mom always says, ‘Do not confuse booty-call-ish with bootylicious. Now that that’s settled, where’s my crack pipe?’”


noun. The unique niche in society—or perhaps the bus station—occupied by a cuckoo-bananas nutjob.

Related terms: fucknut, fucknuttery, fucknutish.

Real citation: "No idea , I don't bother with that one, he just seemed like a good candidate for fucknuthood :p"
(Raven, June 21, 2004,

Made-up citation: “On one side of my family, fucknuthood is rampant. On the other side, lots of folks have worked for the post office. Now you know why I’m a serial killer with many wacky quirks.”

Monday, June 13, 2005


noun. A crappy, festering spectacular.

Real citation: "Yeah, ditto. Ever posted on Well, if you check it out you'll understand what I mean when I say that Lost was the first show in a long time that made me want to watch TV for more than just being able to catch the latest reality-TV crapfestaculars to make fun of their ridiculousness online..."
(butroden, "1-24: "Exodus Part Two" 2005.05.25," May 27, 2005, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “Generally speaking, words such as ‘crapfestacular’ and ‘robo-mommy’ should be avoided when composing wedding invitations and obituaries, though exceptions are inevitable.”


present participle. When little green Irish people are getting a proper tongue-bath, this word is appropriate.

Real citation: "God I can't stand you, you moronic little midget molesting Leprechaun licking ALF LOVER!!!!"
(HuzzahMan3000, April 5, 2002,

Made-up citation: “If a leprechaun-licking loony loved a Lithuanian-lubing leper, how many llamas could Lois Lane lick?”

Friday, June 10, 2005


noun. This is what happens when a bro is a ho.

Related terms: slutitude, emotional slutitude, Secretary of Slutitude, Fortress of Slutitude.

Real citation: "You guys say what you want, but I'm proud of my man-slutitude"
(NemoReturnsAgain, Oct. 28, 2004,

Made-up citation: “I’ve never been manly or slutty enough for man-slutitude. I’ve had to settle for nitpickitude, crackpotitude, dicksmackitude, and fucknutitude.”


gerund. Taking--but only in the most holy, good, biblical way.

Real citation: "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Sometimes the giveth seems a little disproportionate to the taketh. There seems to be a lot more takething going on, but there it is. Perhaps if more of you attended church on Sundays, the Lord would not have felt it necessary to punish us by takething this little boy."
(Priest Maxi, "Spontaneous Combustion," April 14, 1999, South Park)

Made-up citation: "“If the good lord were takething stuff on The Simpsons, would his holiness be yoinkething as well?”

Thursday, June 09, 2005

wet sock for brain

idiom. This refers to the dumbest of the dumbasses, the munchiest of the buttmunches, and the assiest of the assbutts.

Real citation: "Yes, I know what you're thinking: "Tell me something else I don't already know."
But some things can't be reiterated enough.
Such as: Michael Medved is an idiot. He has a wet sock for brain. A thumbless grasp of the issues and a propensity for lachrymose whimpering when he doesn't get his way."
(James Wolcott, "Michael Medved Is an Idiot," Feb. 17, 2005,

Made-up citation: “As the Bible says, ‘I’d rather have a wet sock for a brain than a wet thong for a heart.’”

not playing with a full sack

idiom. Used to describe someone lacking both a shred of sanity and a smidgeon of testicular fortitude.

Real citation: "If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack."
(Spike, "Passions," Feb. 24, 1998, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Made-up citation: “The entire Democratic party is clearly not playing with a full sack, and they’re dumb as a challenged box of rocks to boot.”

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

eekies, the

noun. A close relative of the willies, the creeps, the wiggins, the weebies, the heebie-jeebies, and the whim-whams.

Real citation: "I just found this via Asha. Yes, of course these hateful statements don't reflect the views of "normal" Christians, but maybe reading them will help some peeps understand why usually tolerant non-Christians can get the eekies over even the mildest forms of proselytizing in public schools."
(Paula Light, "For the quote files." June 7, 2005, Ultrablog,

Made-up citation: "It's better to give the eekies than receive the crabs."


noun. The quality of having a thin, breakable tallywhacker that does not throb with much manhood but may be useful in taking the SAT.

Related terms: big-dickedness, diminutive dickedness, general dickedness, limp-dickedness, little-dickedness, micro-dickedness, sheer dickedness, small dickedness, thumb-dickedness, weak dickedness.

Real citation: "How about your need to be holier than thou and build yourself up at the expense of others. ALWAYS an indication of pencil-dickedness."
(Kurt Ullman, March 14, 2000,

Made-up citation: "Pencil-dickedness is in the eye of the beholder, and that's bad news for the beholder's eye."

Tuesday, June 07, 2005


verb. To remove something (like a doofus or sink) from a bathroom.

Real citation: "2:04 a.m. A stranger with bandaged wrists was reported blacked out in the bathroom of an L.K. Wood Boulevard home, and rarely is that a positive development. He was de-'throomed and taken to the hospital."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Latex lover gets spitty-snitty over porn pavilion etiquette advisory," The Arcata Eye,

Made-up citation: “I’ve been dethroned, de’throomed, excommunicated, and deported, but at least I've never been shitcanned, scumbagged, ratfucked, or pooh-poohed.”


noun. Na-diddly-iddly-ada.

Related terms: jack shit, diddly shit, jack diddly shit, jack diddly fucking shit, jack diddly squat shit.

Real citation: "and what's that gotta do with doing for the black community?
answer: "jack-diddly-iddly-shit, that's what." -- ned flanders"
(Jacob Bentley, Nov. 5, 1996,

Made-up citation: “With law school grades ranging from D+ to jack-diddly-iddly-shit, I may not have a future as the next Johnnie Cochran.”

Friday, June 03, 2005


noun. A particularly sneaky-assed quality that is not admired by all.

Related terms: assity-ass, assity-ass-ass, awed-assity, bad-assity, bare-assity, big-assity, biggety-assity, crap-assity, curi-assity, dumb-assity, half-assity, head-up-your-assity, jack-assity, kick-assity, lame-assity, lard-assity, lazy-assity, licking-assity, nutcase-assity, odd-assity, pain-in-the-assity, pomp-assity, pulling-out-of-assity, pump-assity, punk-assity, rat’s-assity, sag-assity, smart-assity, stink-assity, suck-assity, ten-assity, tragic-assity, wack-assity, wide-assity.

Real citation: "I don't mind being a little sneaky if I have to be. Or, a lot sneaky.
Any assistance is appreciated. And, if it involves large amounts of sneak-assity, I'll refuse to give up your name."
(BigRedBam, April 8, 2003,

Made-up citation: "The cosmic vibrations tell me that you, Libra, have the smart-assity of a child, the sneak-assity of a rat, and the stink-assity of a grilled cheese sandwich in a sewer in hell.”


adverb. In a manner or style that is kinda upfucked.

Related terms: fuckedupedness, fuckedupness, fuckedupitude.

Real citation: "Then of course reality steps in and proves to me that I'm just another fumbling do-me type whose submission is very limited and is demonstrably and fuckedupedly human."

Made-up citation: “Most of Shakespeare’s stage directions—whether written by the playwright, a director, or an actor—have not been preserved, so I like to think ‘fuckedupedly’ might be one of those unfortunate omissions.”

Thursday, June 02, 2005


noun. A bouquet—or perhaps a hoopy-doopy—of life-and-limb-lacerating violence.

Real citation: "The brutal maim-fest between CM and Rubious had been going on for some time now, and both seemed oblivious to the fact that there were numerous other posts occuring in the castle...."
(Samurai824, April 4, 1998,

Made-up citation: “My quest for vengeance will inevitably culminate in a smackdown, a bloodbath, a maim-fest, or a lawnmower accident.”


present participle. Causing mild-mannered citizens to enter a state of extreme road rage, zoo rage, tax rage, Bible rage, golf rage, bunny rage, spatula rage, squirrel monkey rage, or salad bar rage.

Real citation:
Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters
(Adam Koford, "Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters," McSweeney's Internet Tendency,

Made-up citation: “Your personal ad may garner more interest if you omit adjectives like ‘berserker-rage-inducing’ and ‘burnt-fleshy.’”

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

go full douche

verb phrase. Do something mega-douche-baggy.

Real citation: "But I mean, if that's really the only thing she could have done in that situation, I can deal with it. At least she didn't go full douche and aim for the head. As long as she wasn't aiming to kill, cuz that would have been a bit extreme, don't you think?"
(smart veronica, "2-24: "The Dearly Beloved" 2005.05.19," May 19, 2005, Television Without Pity,

Made-up citation: “The most important rule of teaching is: ‘Never go full douche.’ Students deserve only a partial douche, if that.”

non-fun-haver god

noun. A deity who sucks several things: 1. Ass. 2. Monkey balls. 3. The life out of the party.

Real citation: "If I were in your pants, I'd run in the other direction. People who follow this kind of punitive, non-fun-haver god are problematic in a host of ways. These are the homemade-cross-toting lunatics who were shrieking outside Terry Schiavo's hospice room. You'll find them disrupting school-board meetings with long screeds about how wrongheaded those newfangled proponents of evolution are because everyone knows god made Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve), and that's how civilization began, damn it (only they wouldn't swear). These Holy Rollers are that most curious (and hypocritical) mix of antichoice, but pro–death penalty. Plus, have you ever actually listened to Christian rock? Yikes."
(Judy McGuire, "Born Again Virgin," Seattle Weekly,

Made-up citation: “A non-fun-haver god is a lot easier to take as part of a pantheon of gods. Then our diverse spiritual needs can be met by the crack-smoker god, the Peking-duck-gobbler-god, and the blow-milk-out-your-goddamn-nose god.”