Tuesday, May 31, 2005


adj. Very worthy of being strapped down on a romantic surface for hot-monkey-sex-related purposes.

Real citation: "'tie-to-the-bedable', adj. (with a reasonably compositional meaning). No google hits, but the formation process is obviously productive."
(Laurence Horn, May 9, 2005, http://listserv.linguistlist.org/cgi-bin/wa?A2=ind0505B&L=ads-l&P=R1279)

Made-up citation: “To a goliath bird-eating spider, another goliath bird-eating spider is likeable, boinkable, and very tie-to-the-bedable.”


adj. Sexy as a limp, damp dishrag with a bit of a stench.

Real citation: "Where are the really sexy dragons? I personally dislike the pretender dragon's ability to turn into a human. Very unsexyish."
(The_Tauren13, Oct 19, 2004, http://www.shrapnelcommunity.com/threads/showflat.php?

Made-up citation: “Unsexyish people do unsexyish things. Like deface penguins.”

Monday, May 30, 2005

bonership society

noun. A community based on boners, boning, or outright boneration.

Real citation: "At first glance, Grassley's bill act seems like a conservative no-brainer: It's anti-sex, it's fiscally responsible, and it fits in nicely with President Bush's recent calls to privatize massive, rock-hard erections via a "bonership society" that encourages people to take control of their own ball-draining fuck sessions."
(Greg Beato, "Iowa Senator: No Hard-On Pills For Poor People!" May 24, 2005, Wonkette, http://www.wonkette.com/politics/hill/index.php#iowa-senator-no-hardon-pills-for-poor-people-104849)

Made-up citation: “In a bonership society, only the schmuck-faced hoser is truly a dickhead.”


adv. Done with a bladder as wide open--er, empty--as the great outdoors.

Real citation: "3:21 p.m. A guy with a ponytail and goatee took a whiz behind a Ninth Street building, then peelessly headed for the Plaza."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Seething weirdosity exudes from Arcata's every orifice," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/051005police.shtml)

Made-up citation: “Male rats deal with few issues peelessly. ‘Walk over it and pee on it’ is pretty much their approach to everything.”

Friday, May 27, 2005

moral whatever-tude

noun. A moral attitude characterized by—oh screw it, I’m taking a nap.

Real citation: “To satisfy their moral whatever-tude, they check Dierdre for track marks. There are none. But Zach is on the landing, looking down, and sees everything. They freeze in tableau. (Well, one of them is dead, but the two living ones freeze.)”
(Choire Sicha, “The fifth housewife,” May 23, 2005, Salon, www.salon.com/ent/tv/review/2005/05/23/desperate_housewives/)

Made-up citation: “Studies show that cholesterol, moral whatever-tude, and metric fuckloads of crap in the basement all tend to increase with age.”

Jesus shit howdy

exclamation. A more Christ-like and down-home version of “Holy shit!”

Related terms: shit howdy, goddamn shit-howdy, yee-haw-shit-howdy, Jesus shit, holy Jesus shit, sweet Jesus shit, holy Jesus fuck, holy fucking Jesus shit, Jesus holy shit Christ.

Real citation: "Jesus Shit Howdy! I heard Totalitar was good but damn…I pumped my fist in the air so hard to this that I think I damaged my rotator cuff."
("Totalitar," http://www.rocknrollpurgatory.com/musicreviews10.html)

Made-up citation: “Appropriate responses to pregnancy in one’s teen, spouse, or self include ‘Jesus shit howdy!’ and ‘By Odin’s beard!’”

Thursday, May 26, 2005


noun. A female doofus.

Real citation: "rave, you doofusette, you don't put the food in THERE"

Made-up citation: “I have eight daughters: a stewardess, a laundress, an empress, a temptress, a benefactress, a priestess, a doofusette, and a lady of the night. And I’m proud of every one.”


adj. Kind of asshatted.

Related terms: assish, bad-assish, dumb-assish, fat-assish, half-assish, hard-assish, jack-assish, kick-assish, kick-in-the-assish, kiss-assish, lard-assish, non-assish, pain-in-the-assish, pompous-assish, smart-assish, suck-assish, wise-assish.

Real citation: "And ignoring the 70-year record of communism in action, as well as its collective achievement in leaving a good part of the world to dig out of the economic and environmental ruin it left behind, is pretty head-up-your-assish."
(Grinch, March 21, 1998, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/misc.education/msg/0cead40a314c1217?hl=en)

Made-up citation: “In a world gone buttmunchy, only the head-up-your-assish man is truly analicious.”

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

crack on one's cornflakes

idiom. A sign of a healthy, loony, batshit-worthy breakfast.

Real citation: "Any ideas? If there isn't anything like this I might write it myself or did I sprinkle too much crack on my corn flakes this morning?"
(Michael Honeyfield, Feb. 15, 2004, https://lists.dulug.duke.edu/pipermail/rpm-python-list/2004-February/000049.html)

Made-up citation: “Since insanity runs in my family, I don’t even need to put crack on my cornflakes. I got all the crack and cornflakes I need—right here!”

moron dust

noun. The stuff of morons--especially when they get blowed up.

Real citation: "Even though the guy's a moral and practical idiot, I'll still feel sorry for him if and when an American bomb turns his stupid ass to moron dust."
(Russell Wardlow, Jan. 25, 2003, http://www.meanmrmustard.net/archives/2003_01.html)

Made-up citation: “If all the morons in the world were reduced to moron dust, that would be bad for anyone with allergies.”

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Mother Theresa on a motorbike

exclamation. A more motherly, saintly, and motorbikey version of "holy shit!"

Related terms: holy mother of Theresa, sweet mother Mary on a motorboat, oh mother of Mary Magdalene and the motorbike she rode in on, holy shit on a stick, sweet merciful Buddha on a crutch, holy freakin' Christ in a Christmas tree, Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick.

Real citation: "Mother Theresa on a motorbike.
Is there anything is the known world hotter than Lena Olin in leather? How am I supposed to get any work done?"
(quotidian, "The Rambaldi Files: Speculations with Spoilers," May 16, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3113402&view=findpost&p=2964996)

Made-up citation: "Sweet Mother Theresa on a motorbike! I have to take a cheese whiz."


present participle. This refers to enthusiastic drinking of what Dan Savage has defined as "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."

Related terms: santorum-slurping, santorum-smudged.

Real citation: "You admire Mr. Tillman, my lovegod, for the stunningly clever retorts that he showers upon us cretinous, malicious, repulsive santorum-swilling scums ... "

Made-up citation: "Drano-sipping, santorum-swilling, or motor-oil-gargling may indicate your son or daughter has a drinking problem."

Monday, May 23, 2005

Darth Dubyous

noun. The Dark President of the Sith: George W. Bush.

Real citation: "It's also, surprisingly, when Lucas' anti-fascist politics come into focus: when the senate rises to cheer the new order of the first galactic empire, and Padme realizes that she and everyone else have aided in the dismantling of a democracy by ceding more and more power, in the name of security, to an unscrupulous dictator. (An old '60s guy, Lucas takes a palpable swipe at our own Darth Dubyous.)"
(David Edelstein, "The Passion of the Sith," Slate, http://slate.com/id/2118604/)

Made-up citation: "At this point, what foul deed could Darth Dubyous do that would actually get serious attention from the press? Eat a baby? Direct his daughters in a porno? Gah."

bongo horror

noun. Bongo music.

Related terms: bongo atrocity, bongo attack, bongo barrage, bongo brouhaha, bongo crisis, bongo flagellation, bongo fury, bongo magic, bongo merriment, bongo tensions, bongo vibes.

Real citation: "10:23 p.m. More bongo horror on the Plaza was swiftly abated."
(Kevin L. Hoover, "Percussus resurgam: Plaza bongo pilots serenade the square," The Arcata Eye, http://www.arcataeye.com/police/000822police01.shtml)

Made-up citation: "Bongo horror is to the ears what dog poo is to the shoes."

Friday, May 20, 2005

pig in a lace hat

idiom. Sometimes, lipstick on a pig just isn't enough.

Real citation: "Will uses big words and pompous literary references to dress up what are basically the brutish and vulgar thinking patterns of a non-union meat-packing plant owner. He is a pig in a lace hat."
(Matt Taibbi, "Wimblehack: Round II," http://www.alternet.org/mediaculture/20197/)

Made-up citation: "When a pig in a lace hat squeals like a stuck pig, I'm happy as a dead pig in the sunshine."

leather-pants-fashion-do category

noun. The half of humanity--a very small half, I might add--for whom wearing leather pants is advisable.

Related terms: leather-pants-fashion-don't category.

Real citation: "A lot of people backstage at the Hole/Marilyn Manson show were wearing leather pants. I don't have anything against leather pants per se; on the right guy, leather pants give me the vapors. But leather pants are difficult to pull off, which makes them a fashion-don't for most people. And most people backstage at KeyArena definitely fell into the leather-pants-fashion-don't category.
When she ran onstage, Courtney Love was wearing leather pants. Courtney, of course, falls into the leather-pants-fashion-do category, by virtue of her celeb status."
(Dan Savage, "Hell for Leather!," April 1, 1999, The Stranger, http://www.thestranger.com/1999-04-01/music.html)

Made-up citation: "I've never really been in the leather-pants-fashion-do category; I'm more of an all-purpose-fashion-yikes kind of guy."

Thursday, May 19, 2005


adj. Like a grilled cheese sandwich--to the bazillionth power of holy shitballs!

Real citation: "But, I was talking to DG about this thread (him lurking here isn't even a secret anymore) and he called that girl you set up for him a 'big fat melty creature'. Yep, he ripped off Miguel, but, if JOSH FUCKING BEANE calls you a 'melty creature' that makes you like, a super-ultra-mega-melty creature with like mega torpedo tits or something."

Made-up citation: "My mother always said, 'super-ultra-mega-melty methods bring super-ultra-mega-melty results.'"


noun. A close cousin of the fuckbrain, the fuckface, the fuckhead, the fucknut, the fuckstain, and the fuckwit.

Real citation:
"i tell the truth, fuckstain.
you fucking fuckhandle.
at least you have dignity."
(tim, Aug. 29, 2004, http://timpratt.blogspot.com/2004/08/shotput-your-love-into-my-extenuating.html)

Made-up citation: "If you ask a teacher, 'Can I inquire as to how you became such a fuckhandle?", the teacher will probably answer, 'Yes, you may.'"

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


noun. A family-values-friendly mindfuck.

Related terms: clusterboink, motherboinker, boink you.

Real citation: "early 90's mindboink from AK"
(kopiethakitty, May 22, 2002, http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000038ZP/102-6445120-3740953?v=glance)

Made-up citation: "As the Bible says, 'Do not mindboink thy neighbor, lest ye be ratboinked where it hurts.'"

harlot laureate

noun. Paris Hilton.

Real citation: "It's been four full years now without a good pair of bedroom eyes in the White House, and we're beginning to feel the chill. It's not that we're not trying to find something to get lathered up about. This year, we've been treated to exposed breasts and on-camera blow jobs, read porn star confessionals and paeans to anal sex, even goaded harlot laureate Paris Hilton into further ludicrous behavior by making her a pseudo TV star."
(Rebecca Traister, "Libido malfunction," Salon, www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2004/12/17/malfunction/)

Made-up citation: "Every father hopes his daughter will grow up to be harlot laureate. If he's insane."

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


adj. A more disturbing and delicious version of "sexy."

Related terms: molest-worthy, molesteriffic.

Real citation: "eh . . well here goes. . . did it hurt? you know. . when you fell from heaven? bah. . those never work and i have to laugh in people faces but just once i thought id use one. . . so ill just go ahead and say that you are utterly molestolicious"
(rabid-monkey, April 2, 2002, http://www.ratemyface.com/profile.cfm?online_name=realamericanpunk&mode=all)

Made-up citation: "At my Catholic grammar school, one priest was nicknamed 'Father Fingers'--for talking with his hands a lot. I have no reason to believe he thought young lads like myself looked yummy and molestolicious."


adj. Crude, lewd, and rude (and probably involving a dude). Or my sister. Sorry, sis!

Real citation: In Bukowski's pages grimy, dark potboiler meets an allegory on authoring: picture here the bastard singular issue of Mickey Spillane and Laurence Sterne, and you get a sense of Bukowski's scheme. In the end our gutter-friendly scribe hands us a "meta-pulp."
(William Anthony Nericcio, http://www-rohan.sdsu.edu/dept/press/ReviewINK/BUKOWSKIpulp.html)

Made-up citation: "'Gutter-friendly' is a good quality in writers, not so much in waiters."

Monday, May 16, 2005


noun. A particularly ass-kissing, rectum-smooching, rump-frenching quality.

Related terms: bad-buttedness, bare-buttedness, big-buttedness, blubber-buttedness, broad-buttedness, bubble-buttedness, cake-buttedness, cute-buttedness, dumb-buttedness, fat-buttedness, fuzzy-buttedness, his-royal-monkey-buttedness, iron-buttedness, kick-buttedness, large-buttedness, non-fuzzy-buttedness, pain-in-the-buttedness, pig-buttedness, pole-up-buttedness, stick-up-the-buttedness, suck-buttedness, tight-buttedness, whiny-buttedness.

Real citation: "This is the carefully cultivated squeamishiness, self censorship and pucker-buttedness that only the good little boys and girls in the "conservative movement" have internalized. And then they whine and wonder why no one holds the Left to "the same standards". Because the Left isn't stupid enough to adopt it's own standards, of course. Nobody would be that stupid....Almost nobody."
(LaBelleDameSansMerci, April 4, 2002,

Made-up citation: "No one likes to admit to pucker-buttedness, but it's not a crime. If it were, I'd be on death row twice."


noun. Beefy sandwich on one side, prophetic seer on the other.

Real citation: "One of the most sublimely stupid and fabulous moments I've seen on TV. Mrs TanTan and I were big old Buffy freaks, and were both pretty skeptical about AtS (never cared much for Angel on BTVS). But man. A couple episodes into watching AtS, the Oracle-burger had us hooked. Makes me giggle just picturing the idiotic thing. "
(TanTan, "Favorite Moments," May 2, 2003, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=2304839&view=findpost&p=444369)

Made-up citation: "In my religion, there are no gods, but there is an oracle-burger, who is both all-knowing and tasty."

Friday, May 13, 2005


adj. Involving absolutely no sexy strangulation shenanigans or smothering-centric smoochies.

Real citation: "The scenario you described doesn't sound like much fun to me either—where's the part where you stick it in her?—but I can guarantee that someone out there is frantically choking his chicken and wondering how he can score such a gal. And while your ex probably found you interminably dull, I'm positive you're probably setting some other chick's pants on fire with your non-autoerotic-asphyxiating ways. "
(Judy McGuire, "One Scoop of Vanilla," New York Press, http://nypress.com/18/4/news&columns/dategirl.cfm)

Made-up citation: "Why do people focus on the negative, like calling the new Pope the Nazi Pope? He's also the non-autoerotic-asphyxiating Pope, but you'd never know it from the liberal media!"


adj. Characterized by (or tending to provoke) vigorous, neckache-causing, possibly-rhythmic flailing of the noggin.

Related terms: headbang-ish, bouncy-headbang-ish, headbang-ish-worthy.

Real citation: "Overall, if you're okay with whiny, high-pitched voices, it's a very bouncy-headbangy song."

Made-up citation: "Gwar are not the most bouncy-headbangy band, but they make up for it with concerts that feature the most decapitations, steel brassieres, and body-fluid spurtings this side of Celine Dion."

Thursday, May 12, 2005


adj. Quite fine, in a tie-to-the-bedable sorta way.

Real citation: "You really know how to swing the bat, you know that? I tried watching your swing last night, to actually get some pointers for my softball season that starts tomorrow. Since you're a lefthander batter, though, and I was sitting on the 1st base side, I kept getting distracted by your holy-sweet-mother-of-God-fine ass. Why must you have an ass like that?"
(Wedny, May 4, 2005, http://www.twodolla.org/archives/2005/05/an_open_letter.php)

Made-up citation: "I couldn't be any happy that Irina Derevko--played by the holy-sweet-mother-of-God-fine Lena Olin--is returning to Alias. She's the hottest ambiguously-evil fifty-year-old Russian spy with two hot daughters I've ever seen."


adj. Done up proud in the style of a house o' crack.

Related terms: crack-whorish.

Real citation: "So, the apartment is going to be really nice. It's not finished yet -- but I'm pretty sure it will be by May. The kitchen and bathroom are going to be completely new, which is really cool. Some of these old New York apartments just have the grossest kitchens and bathrooms. The rent will be ridiculously cheap, but the neighborhood is shitty and the halls of the building are vaugely crack-denish. It has it's good parts and it's bad parts. It's on the 6, so it's very accessible, and did I mention how cheap it is? Yeah. I don't know, I have to go back and look at it again. I want to go back at night, and see how it is then, too. My biggest fear is just that I'd feel isolated. I know everyone is going to be living in different places, but since this place is so dead, it's a concern of mine. I like that the weather is nice again."
("apartment?" April 13, 2003, the woman rebel, http://thewomanrebel.com/MT/archive/000078.html)

Made-up citation: "I may have my share of clutter, but my place isn't at all crack-denish. Opium-lounge-like, maybe."

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


adj. Not too subtle.

Real citation: "The Bush-Cheney re-election campaign has just launched a new add which slanders John Kerry. Not only that, but it brings in the oh-so-fucktastically-subtle reference to -- you guessed it! -- Adolf Hitler."
(Rikoshi Kisaragi, June 25, 2004, http://www.journalfen.net/community/otf_wank/115263.html?mode=reply)

Made-up citation: "What oh-so-fucktastically-subtle hint tipped you off to problems in your home? Your mom's blood-soaked spatula? Or was it your dad's toe collection?"


adj. Bee-fucking-eefy.

Real citation: "On Thursday I was at a political fundraiser for beef. It was a dinner, and I was slightly peeved because having known about this assignment only 2 days prior, I had made plans for the night. These PLANS, though not all that important, had to be scrapped, thank-you very much agriculture minister and deputy premier. It’s all your fault. I arrived late because I was waiting on the river for some canoers from Washington to show up so I could take their picture. It was a pleasant wait, so I wasn’t all that concerned or annoyed when they came about 30 minutes later than they had told me. I suppose it isn’t their fault the river was slow anyway. I got to the dinner just in time to eat some beef, take a few pics and listen to a speech about beef. The evening was beeftacular."
(May 28, 2004, Twitch!, http://kymik.blogspot.com/2004_05_01_kymik_archive.html)

Made-up citation: "Neither my diet nor my physique has ever been described as beeftacular."

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


adj. This handy word describes something that is quite metaphorically wet.

Real citation: "Christine Goerke has already shown her formidable musical and interpretive talents with opera companies and orchestras all over the world. The 2001 recipient of the Richard Tucker Award (the opera world's Heisman Trophy), the Long Island native trained at the Met and soon tackled leads there (and in Paris, London, Florence — the list grows). She also has two Grammys. In October 2003 she joined Tempesta di Mare for a sensational evening of baroque cantatas; her gorgeous, intensely focused singing nearly blew the roof off St. Mark's Church. Goerke has the very rare ability to be funny and moving at once while dazzling your ears; perfect credentials for her first-ever Rosalinde in Strauss' champagne-and-adultery-soaked operetta."
(David Shengold, "The Sopranos," http://citypaper.net/articles/2005-01-20/cover9.shtml)

Made-up citation: "After my champagne-and-adultery-soaked marriage, I wrote a wine-and-beastiality-saturated novel, which I hope to turn into a paint-thinner-and-alien-probing-drenched screenplay this autumn."

cross the squick line

verb phrase. Do something squicky, gross, icky, or ishy, such as...oh, incest or whatever.

Real citation: "I just hope in order to have Victor win the Emmy, we don't have to have Jack cross the squick line."
(OLynn, "Jack "Spy Daddy" Bristow [a.k.a. Victor Garber]," April 28, 2005, Television Without Pity, http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=507851&view=findpost&p=2860055)

Made-up citation: "My pet rat Yoda emphatically crossed the squick line when he ate his own poop. That's not a good Jedi master!"

Monday, May 09, 2005


noun. A dumber version of an asshead, or an assier version of a dumbhead, or a headier version of a dumbass.

Related terms: asshead, fatasshead, jackasshead.

Real citation: "I'm one of the people (actually, I'm several of them, but let's not get into biohosting issues just now), and I didn't drive no areoplanes inta the squirrel training center. you dumbasshead!"
(ICEKNIFE, July 8, 2003, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.slack/msg/f6f7bc39aa973278?hl=en)

Made-up citation: "Son, if someone calls you a 'dumbasshead,' don't be afraid to call them an 'assbuttface.' Then, when no teachers are around, gouge out that little prick's eyeballs with a fork."


adj. Self-loathy; self-dislikey; self-despisey.

Real citation: "I blushed and ducked back in with the larger bra. Much better. There was more self-flirting and understanding that yes, I am quite sexy and hot, thank you. I mean, sometimes I do impress myself, I'm not always self-hatey. I really liked the way I looked in this black lace number, so I grabbed one in red appliqued cotton, too. And many pairs of tiny pants, because one can never have too many and also, sale!"
("Mount Breasticle," Jan. 29, 2005, Fizzy Hipster, http://www.fizzyhipster.com/archives/001550.php)

Made-up citation: "I don't know why my family thinks I'm troubled and self-hatey. I'm the luckiest guy in the world, and I'm always ready to share my Drano and vodka smoothies, even with the kids!"

Friday, May 06, 2005


noun. A family-friendly clusterfuck.

Real citation: "Here's an update to the House Ethics Committee investigation of Tom DeLay, which is fast approaching the deadline they set for themselves when they chose to defer the matter in July. Unfortunately, it looks like this may wind up a total partisan clusterboink, in which all other considerations are subservient to protecting ones' flanks. The complete Roll Call story, sent to me separately by AJ Garcia and RZ, is reproduced below."
(Deadlock in DeLay ethics investigation?", Sept. 15, 2004, Off the Kuff, http://www.offthekuff.com/mt/archives/004166.html)

Made-up citation: "How many of Wordsworth's poems rhymed 'clusterboink' with "lust...brr: oink'? Not more than three, I'd wager."


adj. In a nut? Bad. Bad enough to cause innocent civilians to say "gah!"

Related terms: ack-worthy, aha-worthy, ahem-worthy, argh-worthy, blah-worthy, bleah-worthy, doh-worthy, duh-worthy, ew-worthy, gak-worthy, ha-ha-worthy, heh-worthy, ick-worthy, meh-worthy, meow-worthy, mmm-worthy, ouch-worthy, sigh-worthy, squee-worthy, squick-worthy, tee-hee-worthy, whee-worthy, whoa-worthy, woof-worthy, yawn-worthy, yikes-worthy, yum-worthy, zzz-worthy.

Real citation: "They're selling the dice for fifty cents each? Gah. Of course, selling Captains for five bucks is even more gah-worthy."
(Dvandom, Oct. 10, 2004, http://www.psmrealms.com/forum/showthread.php?s=62bda7b011ad72ec8c9233ad728b658d&p=5381#post5381)

Made-up citation: "If a gah-worthy grandma gargled guacamole, how much guacamole could a gah-worthy grandma gargle?"

Thursday, May 05, 2005

testosterone-tainted tootsie

noun. Male toe.

Real citation: “Those who kept her holy shrines, her misandrous priestesses and simpering priestlets, were bound by Diana's oath to stay chaste and live pure until death. One or two accomplished that dubious goal. The Roman poet Horace suggests that Diana loathed the very sight of men and forbade them on pain of death from ever setting one testosterone-tainted tootsie inside her temples.)
(Bill Casselman, “Diana Krall: The Meaning of Her Names,” The Vocabula Review, http://www.vocabula.com/2005/VRAPRIL05Casselman.asp)

Made-up citation: "If all the women in the world rounded up all the men and ground us into hamburger--from our pointy heads down to our testosterone-tainted tootsies--I couldn't really blame them. It would suck though; I don't even like hamburger."


noun. The ear-offending sounds of lame metal.

Real citation: "It's nu-metal by nu-mbers, yes, but Fozzy aren't too shabby at counting. Copious amounts of crunchy chug-chug-chuggery? Check. Menacing growls interspersed with throat-straining, Ozzy-style power high notes? Cheque. Unoriginal checklist-style paragraph? Czech."
(Dan Maher, "Fozzy--All That Remains," http://www.new-noise.net/list_237.html)

Made-up citation: "Sorry, but your band's brand of chug-chug-chuggery isn't quite right for any of our upcoming weddings or pornos."

Wednesday, May 04, 2005


noun. An all-encompassing apathetic philosophy.

Related terms: anarcho-whateverism, anti-whateverism, believe-whateverism, benign whateverism, compassionate whateverism, creeping whateverism, eco-friendly whateverism, existential whateverism, feelgood whateverism, homo-whateverism, multi-whateverism, neo-new-agey whateverism, neo-whateverism, postmodern whateverism, post-whateverism, pro-whateverism, tran-whateverism, tribal whateverism.

Real citation: "Often this is a bad reasoning on an illustration in the scriptures about a camel and a needle and the statement "to God all things are possible". People taking the Bible literally, especially on illustrations, parables and hyperboles, and creating terms like omni-whateverism is a constant source of conflicts."
(Insyght, Feb. 18, 2005, http://forum.physorg.com/index.php?showtopic=583&st=315)

Made-up citation: "Does 'omni-whateverism' include ‘meh’ feelings about God? How 'bout leprechauns?"

serial intercourser

noun. Someone who has lots and lots and loads of hot, sweaty fornication.

Real citation: "You're a serial intercourser!"
(Shirley Schmidt, "Death Be Not Proud," March 20, 2005, Boston Legal)

Made-up citation: "Is 'serial intercourser' supposed to be an insult? It lacks the clarity of 'horsefucker.'"

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


adj. Mentally wacky. Cuckoo for crack!

Related terms: batshit loony, batshit whacko, batshit insane, batshit nutty, batshit nutso, super-batshit-insane, completely-fucking-batshit-insane, batshit-fucking-crazy, batshit-sounding, non-batshit, pre-batshit, anti-batshit, batshit loonball, holy batshit, batshittery, batcrap, batpoop.

Real citation: “She has four bags filling the self-checkout area, blocking both bagging lanes, neglecting the intended use of the pull-out trays provided. Her empty cart is blocking my exit from the line. I begin bagging my stuff in the tiny space behind the ATM machine while the person behind me's purchases begin to bottleneck onto the scanner. The woman freaks out and begins stammering "so...that's your bag?" I nod, resisting the impulse to tell her no, I'm helping bag your crap because you're obviously batshit-demented and I don't want to be here all night.”
(Paul, “Night of the Living Deadheads - A Trip To Rainbow Grocery,” Feb. 8, 2005, http://www.limahuli.net/blog/archives/complaining/)

Made-up citation: "Who's crazier: a batshit-demented dude or a shithouse mouse? Further research is needed!"


noun. A romantic doofus. No, hold on now: a robotic doofus. Or a doofus-type robot.

Real citation: “That will send the request coming from their IP to lala land so when doofusbot requests h*tp://www.example.com/gotosite.asp?ccxxyyourstuff.com it gets www.where*you*send*them.com/whatever.html, I would recco a few destinations, but that is up to you (bad neihborhoods come to mind).”
(John316, April 3, 2001, http://www.webmasterworld.com/forum30/28526.htm)

Made-up citation: "Like moronbots, shitheadbots, and fucking-idiot-bots, doofusbots are rarely hot-sellers."

Monday, May 02, 2005


noun. A keen, ass-specific, eyeball-detecting sense.

Related terms: gaydar, straightdar, bi-dar, loserdar, jailbaitdar, moron-dar, sexual-geniusdar.

Real citation: "There will be hot chicks. And while they are running, hot chicks are too focused on their splits and/or music to realize their "someone is staring at my ass"-dar is going off."
("Operation Stop Being Fat," May 6, 2004, http://nattysci.com/displaypost.aspx?Post=45)

Made-up citation: "I need buttock-augmentation surgery. I want to be noticed. I want my someone-is-staring-at-my-ass-dar to go off like a car alarm from hell!"


adj. Very moral, oral, pure, and of the Lord.

Real citation: "You can protest by dropping aol and getting a provider that's not a money grubbing, family values licking provider."
(ChubbyCub, http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.sex.bears/msg/77a6807228dfcfd6)

Made-up citation: "If the era of the family-values-licking politician ever ends, what will all those lonely, holy, unlicked family values do?"